Yeah, we know. Eden's adorable baby boy was born last week. We have lives too, people! But anyway. LOOK AT THAT FACE. They have updated Webster's Dictionary. Check it out. Look up "Adorable" and you will see Jack Oscar Miller. He's perfect. Which we all knew he would be, given his parentage.
Congratulations Eden and Andrew. Welcome to the world, Jack!
The gals over at Eden's Official Fan Club have put together an awesome auction to benefit HPP, Homeless Prenatal Program, a wonderful organization in San Francisco that is dedicated to breaking the cycle of childhood poverty.
Eden and a couple of her "friends" have generously donated several items that will be auctioned off to the highest bidder and all proceeds will go to HPP. You can bet we'll be in on the action. We have our eye on the box of condoms signed by the Imaginary Bitches themselves, Catherine and Heather. Hmmm, do you think they signed the box using invisible ink?
As many of you have probably noticed, we have been mostly silent throughout the AMC & OLTL
cancellation debacle. We are sure it perplexes you, and perhaps even, pisses you off. Please be assured, it was not an easy decision for us, nor one that was made lightly.
Who knew that when we decided to animate ourselves two years ago and strike a satiric blow against Chuck Pratt and AMC in defense of Eden Riegel that our supercilious silliness would result in instant internet fame! (Fame, but alack, no fortune.) No matter! We did it for love, not money. And we would do it again (indeed, WILL do it again) should Eden (or Tamara or Chrissie) ever be so maligned and mistreated in so shameful a manner by people who should really, know better.
Over the past two years, as we continued our cavalcade of corny jokes, clever quips and unconditional love for the characters of Bianca and Reese and the women who've brought them to life, we've tried hard to evolve and emulate the best qualities of the characters we hold so dear. (In other words, we're hoping to be nicer, kinder, gentler people. AND IT'S FUCKING HARD.)
Ranting and raving and wringing ourselves into knots over the state of affairs at All My Children has not been as satisfying or productive as we'd hoped. And yet, we do not regret for a moment any of the time and effort we have put in to trying to draw attention to the importance and relevance of Bianca Christine Montgomery and her smoking hot wife, Reese. And yet . . .
. . . well, we can only hope that we've made a small bit of difference. We hope that, even though we've been fighting for a lost cause as far as Binks goes, it's not all been wasted time. This is a battle worth fighting. As long as actors get hate mail for portraying gay characters, and same sex marriage is illegal across most of the USA, and legislators write laws proclaiming you can't say gay, then we need to keep fighting. And we will.
Here's the thing. We're not going to continue fighting by creating more videos with the Pirate Shirted Menace or the Bespectacled Bastard. A wise man once said: "If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will." Ok, Yoda said it. Still, wise words. Are we shallow people if we look to Star Wars for moral advice? We don't think so. Consider this: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. Haven't we all suffered enough?
We're committed to turning over a new leaf. Plus, our lives (the actual real ones, not the animated ones) are on the brink of big changes. Unfortunately it is still necessary to protect our true identities, so we can't give you any real details, but we will tell you that these changes involve dramatic (temporary?) re-locations for the both of us, which will result in fun new stamps in our passports!
Very soon Portia will have to handle being subjected to gelato, pasta, and copious amounts of red wine on a daily basis while risking overexposure to all things Renaissance. Meanwhile Ellen is trying to figure out how she will contend with Medieval mayhem, serious potential for numerous encounters with men in kilts, and a permanent stay at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (or, at least, a stay down the street from Hogwarts). Still and all, changes that fall into the OMG WTF AM I DOING? category and cause you to reassess and reevaluate your life choices.
In other words, much like Eden and Tamara, we're moving on. Not to other fictional soap towns or to very real motherhood, but fear not! – we aren’t abandoning our post. We'll still keep tweeting and blogging and acting silly. We'll still defend and protect our girls, too. We'll sign petitions, and write letters and make phone calls and express our love for soaps, but we're not going to make anymore sarcastic, scathing, mean-spirited videos. We're going to focus on the love, not the hate. We think Binks would approve.
So in conclusion let us say:
We love soap operas. We particularly love All My Children and especially love the fabulous Kane women and we undeniably adore Bianca. We want her story to go on forever, and we really, really, really want Bianca to get the love and respect she so richly deserves.
We think Agnes Nixon created a masterpiece when she created All My Children, and there's no reason in the world, except corporate greed and laziness, that the show should not be successful for as long as people are still human beings. For as much as people need food and shelter, they need and crave and seek out stories.
Who knows why we are captivated by some stories and not others? Why some characters inspire us and touch our hearts or make us melt into puddles and turn us into lovesick saps?
Did we want to lose our Straight Cards because of Eden and Tamara's ridiculously seductive, outrageously sexy, incredibly poignant, deliciously sweet daily displays of hot eye sex? No, we did not. And yet, we were unable to resist the power of so much pretty. Yes, it's ridiculous, we know that! But isn't it part of the allure and charm of soap operas, that certain characters and couples can have an inexplicable effect on our hearts?
Stories are powerful. Unfortunately the people in control of the stories don't always play fair, or play nice. Sometimes they want to take their ball and go home and count their money.
Instead of railing against the unfairness of it all, or doing our best to publicly shame those we feel are most responsible for this travesty, we have chosen to step back and use the small voice we have to say "Thank you."
Thank you Agnes Nixon for creating Erica Kane and her daughters. For bringing socially relevant stories to daytime tv and making 40 years of life in Pine Valley entertaining, frustrating and heartwarming.
Thank you Susan Lucci for coming down from Mount Olympus to bring us the brilliant, gorgeous, complex, delightful dynamo, Erica Kane into our puny little lives.
Thank you Christina Bennett Lind for letting us call you "Chrissie" and keeping Bianca alive and well. You had an impossible task and you stepped in and have played the part with integrity, grace and beauty. You deserve every accolade we can think of to express our gratitude.
Thank you Tamara Braun for being your sweet, smoking hot, dairy free self; for taking on the role of Reese and persevering through the most egregious, flagrant fuckery ever perpetrated against a character, straight or gay. For giving Reese both depth and pathos, and for revealing to us all the astounding sexiness of the world's most gentle, sweet and beloved little lesbian, Bianca Montgomery.
And to Eden Riegel. What can we say that we haven't already said? Thank you for your grace, your kindness, and your generosity. Thank you for sharing your time with us, on television and over twitter. Thank you for watching our ridiculous videos, reading our goofy blog posts and letting us interview you. Thank you for the laughter and tears we’ve shared over the years. You are one in a million. You are better than a Real Life Disney Princess. You are the sweetest human being in the history of human beings. And Blueberry is one lucky kid.
And, of course, we thank you for naming Blueberry after us…
What? “Pellen” is a great name!
Seriously, Eden, thank you for taking the high road, as it gave us the once in a lifetime chance to take the low road, a road that has enriched our lives and brought us so much joy. Not to mention the fun we've had!
And finally, thanks to all of you who have read the blog, watched our videos and followed us on Twitter. Your spirit, strength, and humour have been the greatest gift over these last two years. We hope you will stick with us on the next phase of our Pratt Falls journey!