Emergency Missive to the Head Writers at All My Children

TO: David & Donna; Donner & Blitzen; Laurel & Hardy
FROM: The Pratt Falls Chicks
DELIVER: HIGH PRIORITY

SUBJECT: PLEASE! We are begging you! Do Not Ignore Our Warnings!

Dear Starsky & Hutch, if you are still the Head Writers at AMC by the time this reaches you, we implore you, we beg you, we beseech you: BRING BACK REESE! Offscreen references to Bianca's legally wedded, smoking hot wife will not suffice. We repeat: Offscreen references can no longer be counted on to mollify the masses.

Bianca NEEDS her wife. REESE must be returned to Pine Valley ASAP. This is not just what we're hoping and wishing for! This is the only way to avoid complete and total anarchy in the Forest of Marginalized Gay Folk.

 We've warned you before, to no avail. Did you care when we told you about the Rainbow Unicorns' Rampaging Stampede through the Forest causing brutal mutilation of the Stardust Glitter Fairies?!  No you did not.



Did you heed our warning about the Killer Attack Bunnies? Or even inquire about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, the only known defense against Killer Rabbits? No, of course not.

And because of your inconsiderate, heartless, indifference to the solitary suffering of Bianca Montgomery, there are now Armed Gnomes on the loose.  Oh yes, you read that right. ARMED GNOMES.  The Forest of Marginalized Gay Folk is at DefCon 4 people!

PLEASE NOTE: Your average Garden Gnome is typically a fun loving creature. Mischievous and prone to pranking their friends, but generally harmless.  Their behavior changes drastically when under stress or after long periods of deprivation from their favorite Soap Opera Couple.  It must also be noted, that Gnomes are particularly fond of Miranda and even the ill-begotten Gabby.  Rumor has it that Garden Gnomes are the unknown protectors of Secret Sperm. We cannot, however, definitively confirm or deny this claim.

Armed Gnomes are said to be particularly fierce this time of year - snow covered, vertically challenged, heathens from the North. Lets hope Santa's Elven Army doesn't join their hellish brigade. That's the last thing anyone wants: gnomes and elves attacking innocent gingerbread houses with fiery fruit cakes and boiling egg nog. The inhumanity of it all!

In addition to alerting you to the impending crisis, the Gnomes have asked us to relate to you a List of Demands.  We have translated from the original Gnome language as best we can:

1. Return Reese must to Bianca and her wee ones.

2. Lovey Dovey Goo Goo Eyes for the Reese all the times with much Bianca.

3. Snarl barking permissible for purposes only to make Sexy Eyes again again again.

4. Much wee ones huggy huggy time.

There were several more demands that are, frankly, indecipherable, but if we are able to translate them, we promise to send them along. Several references to Fedora's and ties were made. We're not sure why.

Please study the reconnaissance photo below, taken just this morning. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.  Bring back Reese and give Bianca the Love Story she deserves or the Gnomes Will Attack!

##GrrrrArrgghh##

Tragedy Is Imminent!

No, we are not talking about Zach's death. We are talking about how once again Bianca is NOT MENTIONED in the All My Children spoilers. How is this possible?!? RAGE CAPS ALONE CANNOT CONVEY OUR FIERY ANGER!

Great balls of cat fur, do David Kreizman and Donna Swajeski even know who Bianca is or what imminent means?! 


IMMINENT

: ready to take place; especially : hanging threateningly over one's head < in imminent danger of being attacked by killer bunnies in the Forest of Marginalized Gay Folk>
 

CLICK HERE to see what happens when writers ignore Bianca and deprive her of her smoking hot wife Reese.

  
We imagine Kreizman and Swajeski sitting in their ABC offices, thumbing through the AMC Bible, reading the additions, appendixes and notations made by Pratt.  Including, but not limited to the official AMC definition of:

LESBIAN:
adjective -- of or pertaining to babysitter of children; bringer of tea.
noun -- an inhabitant of the twilight zone surrounding Pine Valley where people who have been killed but their body never recovered are kept in limbo until needed or wanted. Lesbians sometimes wither away and are lost to oblivion, and/or achieve successful careers beyond daytime tv. Also see "The Martin Attic." Famous AMC lesbians: Josh Duhamel.

# # GrrrArrgghh # #

Listen People! Heed Our Warning!

Apparently the new Head Writers at All My Children  are not aware of the chaos and turmoil they are causing in a parallel universe.  Clearly they don't understand that by sidelining our beloved Bianca and keeping her separated from her smoking hot, legally wedded wife, Reese, they are responsible for severe disturbances in the Forest of Marginalized Gay Folk. The Rainbow Unicorns have gone mad and are stampeding! Killing innocent Stardust Glitter Fairies as they sun themselves on Moonblossom Mushrooms in the Field of Snowbutter Pansies.

For the love of Disney Princesses everywhere, we beg you David Kreizman and Donna Swajeski -- Give Christina Bennett Lind a Fucking Storyline and BRING BACK REESE. *







* DISCLAIMER: This post was posted following the use of legally prescribed painkillers. No actual Glitter Fairies were harmed. . . . but that could change. . . .