Biancapalooza Countdown * Can We Get -- Oh Never Mind!

Question #31

for Eden & Tamara:

We were going to ask you to return our Straight Cards, but then we re-watched this and ... 

Oh, never mind. Just keep the damn things.   
(Besides, if you returned them, Chrissie & Sarah would claim them and we'd be right back where we started.... Behold the Power of Bianca!)

# # #

Biancapalooza Countdown * The Question Ellen Has Been Dying to Ask!

Question #30

for Eden & Chrissie:

It seems that Bianca is a beast in the bedroom, considering all the straight girls she's bagged. Is this a Kane thing? Or simply the power of Bianca?

# # #

Biancapalooza Countdown * Double Trouble

Question #27

for Chrissie:

Christina and Heather Lind

Are you as profoundly disappointed as we are that your real life, identical twin sister, Heather, is not going to get the opportunity to play Bianca's evil doppelganger?  

Who, of course, has assumed Bianca's identity, established herself as the CEO of Cambius Industries in Paris, taken up with Reese, fraudulently pretended to be Reese in order to divorce Bianca via Blackberry, all the while keeping poor Reese drunk on fine Cabernet and convincing her that both their daughters perished in a freak bunny slope skiing accident at their chalet in Switzerland?  Only to be found out by overly inquisitive, ace lawyer Marissa, leading to an epic confrontation and poor Bianca ultimately stuck with two beautiful women deeply, truly and madly in love with her?

Sarah Glendening

Tamara Braun

Now that would have been one freaking epic storyline, don't ya think?

# # #

Biancapalooza Countdown * Have You Ever . . . ?

Question #24

for Eden & Chrissie:

Have you ever heard of the term "fanwank"?

And, if you have, can you fanwank a reason for Reese's abandonment of her kids and decision to divorce Bianca via Blackberry?

# # #
 

Biancapalooza Countdown * We're Going to the Chapel

Question # 18

for Eden:

What was it like for you and Tamara to be part of a groundbreaking and breathtakingly beautiful wedding, and did you get any special, 'expert' advice from Susan Lucci?

Bianca & Reese's Wedding

# # #

Biancapalooza Countdown * The Littlest Kane

Question #10

for Eden & Chrissie

Don't you think one of Bianca's greatest story-lines could have been the saga of The Long Suffering, Tortured Mother of Gabrielle, who is surely on course to become a semi-psychotic, diabolical, misunderstood, crafty, trouble-maker, sex-pot not unlike her Aunt Kendall in her early days?*



*For which, we blame Reese.

# # #

Biancapalooza Countdown

Question #2

  

Eden & Chrissie:
 
  Have you ever wished you could
play with our Bianca Shrine?
 
 

We'll Always Have Paris

Dear Friends,

As many of you have probably noticed, we have been mostly silent throughout the AMC & OLTL

cancellation debacle. We are sure it perplexes you, and perhaps even, pisses you off. Please be assured, it was not an easy decision for us, nor one that was made lightly.

Who knew that when we decided to animate ourselves two years ago and strike a satiric blow against Chuck Pratt and AMC in defense of Eden Riegel that our supercilious silliness would result in instant internet fame! (Fame, but alack, no fortune.) No matter! We did it for love, not money. And we would do it again (indeed, WILL do it again) should Eden (or Tamara or Chrissie) ever be so maligned and mistreated in so shameful a manner by people who should really, know better.

Over the past two years, as we continued our cavalcade of corny jokes, clever quips and unconditional love for the characters of Bianca and Reese and the women who've brought them to life, we've tried hard to evolve and emulate the best qualities of the characters we hold so dear. (In other words, we're hoping to be nicer, kinder, gentler people. AND IT'S FUCKING HARD.)

Ranting and raving and wringing ourselves into knots over the state of affairs at All My Children has not been as satisfying or productive as we'd hoped. And yet, we do not regret for a moment any of the time and effort we have put in to trying to draw attention to the importance and relevance of Bianca Christine Montgomery and her smoking hot wife, Reese. And yet . . .

. . . well, we can only hope that we've made a small bit of difference. We hope that, even though we've been fighting for a lost cause as far as Binks goes, it's not all been wasted time. This is a battle worth fighting. As long as actors get hate mail for portraying gay characters, and same sex marriage is illegal across most of the USA, and legislators write laws proclaiming you can't say gay, then we need to keep fighting. And we will.

Here's the thing. We're not going to continue fighting by creating more videos with the Pirate Shirted Menace or the Bespectacled Bastard. A wise man once said:  "If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will." Ok, Yoda said it. Still, wise words. Are we shallow people if we look to Star Wars for moral advice? We don't think so. Consider this: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.  Haven't we all suffered enough?

We're committed to turning over a new leaf. Plus, our lives (the actual real ones, not the animated ones) are on the brink of big changes. Unfortunately it is still necessary to protect our true identities, so we can't give you any real details, but we will tell you that these changes involve dramatic (temporary?) re-locations for the both of us, which will result in fun new stamps in our passports!

Very soon Portia will have to handle being subjected to gelato, pasta, and copious amounts of red wine on a daily basis while risking overexposure to all things Renaissance. Meanwhile Ellen is trying to figure out how she will contend with Medieval mayhem, serious potential for numerous encounters with men in kilts, and a permanent stay at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (or, at least, a stay down the street from Hogwarts). Still and all, changes that fall into the OMG WTF AM I DOING? category and cause you to reassess and reevaluate your life choices.

In other words, much like Eden and Tamara, we're moving on. Not to other fictional soap towns or to very real motherhood, but fear not! – we aren’t abandoning our post. We'll still keep tweeting and blogging and acting silly. We'll still defend and protect our girls, too. We'll sign petitions, and write letters and make phone calls and express our love for soaps, but we're not going to make anymore sarcastic, scathing, mean-spirited videos. We're going to focus on the love, not the hate. We think Binks would approve.

So in conclusion let us say:

We love soap operas. We particularly love All My Children and especially love the fabulous Kane women and we undeniably adore Bianca. We want her story to go on forever, and we really, really, really want Bianca to get the love and respect she so richly deserves.

We think Agnes Nixon created a masterpiece when she created All My Children, and there's no reason in the world, except corporate greed and laziness, that the show should not be successful for as long as people are still human beings. For as much as people need food and shelter, they need and crave and seek out stories.

Who knows why we are captivated by some stories and not others? Why some characters inspire us and touch our hearts or make us melt into puddles and turn us into lovesick saps?

Did we want to lose our Straight Cards because of Eden and Tamara's ridiculously seductive, outrageously sexy, incredibly poignant, deliciously sweet daily displays of hot eye sex? No, we did not. And yet, we were unable to resist the power of so much pretty. Yes, it's ridiculous, we know that! But isn't it part of the allure and charm of soap operas, that certain characters and couples can have an inexplicable effect on our hearts?

Stories are powerful. Unfortunately the people in control of the stories don't always play fair, or play nice. Sometimes they want to take their ball and go home and count their money.

Instead of railing against the unfairness of it all, or doing our best to publicly shame those we feel are most responsible for this travesty, we have chosen to step back and use the small voice we have to say "Thank you."

Thank you Agnes Nixon for creating Erica Kane and her daughters. For bringing socially relevant stories to daytime tv and making 40 years of life in Pine Valley entertaining, frustrating and heartwarming.



Thank you Susan Lucci for coming down from Mount Olympus to bring us the brilliant, gorgeous, complex, delightful dynamo, Erica Kane into our puny little lives.





Thank you Christina Bennett Lind for letting us call you "Chrissie" and keeping Bianca alive and well. You had an impossible task and you stepped in and have played the part with integrity, grace and beauty. You deserve every accolade we can think of to express our gratitude. 

Thank you Tamara Braun for being your sweet, smoking hot, dairy free self; for taking on the role of Reese and persevering through the most egregious, flagrant fuckery ever perpetrated against a character, straight or gay. For giving Reese both depth and pathos, and for revealing to us all the astounding sexiness of the world's most gentle, sweet and beloved little lesbian, Bianca Montgomery.

And to Eden Riegel. What can we say that we haven't already said? Thank you for your grace, your kindness, and your generosity. Thank you for sharing your time with us, on television and over twitter. Thank you for watching our ridiculous videos, reading our goofy blog posts and letting us interview you. Thank you for the laughter and tears we’ve shared over the years. You are one in a million. You are better than a Real Life Disney Princess. You are the sweetest human being in the history of human beings. And Blueberry is one lucky kid.

And, of course, we thank you for naming Blueberry after us…

What? “Pellen” is a great name!

Seriously, Eden, thank you for taking the high road, as it gave us the once in a lifetime chance to take the low road, a road that has enriched our lives and brought us so much joy. Not to mention the fun we've had!

And finally, thanks to all of you who have read the blog, watched our videos and followed us on Twitter. Your spirit, strength, and humour have been the greatest gift over these last two years. We hope you will stick with us on the next phase of our Pratt Falls journey!

Much love,

Ellen  &  Portia

Our Twitter Petition

Save Bianca & Reese's Marriage on All My Children


Gather 'round and hear us please,
A tragic tale for beloved Breese,

About a couple bright and gay,
Whose happiness was ripped away.

By a writing team without a clue,
Whatever can we fans do?

To save Bianca from this pain,
IT'S TIME TO ACT LIKE A TRUE KANE!

Rally round and hear our plea!
Surely we can all agree -

Bianca Montgomery deserves respect
not this pitiful, lousy train wreck!

A divorce by proxy? Over the phone?
This f*ckery we'll not condone!

Please join us in telling the Powers That Be
That this is what you want to see --

Bianca and Reese together and happy.
Anything less is just plain crappy.


Sign the Twitter Petition here: http://twitition.com/ohyjq
You must be logged in to Twitter to participate.


Or you can send a copy of this rhyming couplet rant to Brian Frons in email:
brian.frons@abc.com

###

Letter to Brian Frons

Dear Friends, it has come to our attention that The Powers That Be at AMC are moving towards the Tammy Wynette Solution in regards to Binks' marriage. Yes, the ugly D.I.V.O.R.C.E. word has been uttered.   

We're beyond throwing humor at the situation, it's time to put on our frowny faces. We've written a letter to Mr. Frons that we hope each and every one of you will copy and paste into an email, or your very own word document.  We hope you will add your own comments. But if you're too lazy for that, PLEASE PLAGIARIZE US. INDEED THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT YOU TO DO!!

Now, if only we could get Eden to do a creative reading of this on YouTube, complete with tears and chin quivers, our efforts might get noticed.....

 ###

Date: ____________, 2011

Brian Frons

President of ABC Daytime

ABC, Inc.

2300 Riverside Drive

Burbank , CA 91506

Email: brian.frons@abc.com

Dear Mr. Frons,

Please feel free to share this letter with

___ Julie Hanan Carruthers and

___ Anne Sweeney and

___ Whoever Happens to Be on the Writing Staff of All My Children This Week.

I have read the recent All My Children spoilers regarding Bianca and I am writing to
___ ask you to

___ beg you to

___ implore you to

reconsider her filing for a divorce.

I am a

___ regular

___ occasional

___ reluctant

viewer who has watched All My Children for

___ weeks.

___ months.

___ years.

___ my entire life.

Not that it should matter, but I want you to know that I myself am

___ gay.

___ not gay.

___ not sure yet of my sexuality.

I think it is

___ important

___ imperative

___ inherently the decent thing to do

that you respect Bianca and Reese's marriage and reconsider this divorce business. In the grand scheme of soap operas, I understand that one divorce is

___ inconsequential.

___ trivial.

___ practically a non-event.

But Bianca is a unique case!

Gay marriage is a very important issue in our country. I am sympathetic to the fact that you would like to avoid

___ controversy.

___ hate mail.

___ negative publicity.

___ the wrath of fans.

If this issue wasn't so important to me I wouldn't bother writing to you. But I feel

___ extremely

___ strongly

___ passionately

compelled to share my thoughts with you about Bianca and Reese.

Quite honestly, I

___ love Reese.

___ hate Reese.

___ adore Reese.

___ couldn't care less about Reese.

But that's not the point. The point is Bianca is one of the few, positive representations of a gay person on daytime television. With so much of America divided and conflicted over the rights of gay people to marry I believe All My Children has a responsibility to respectfully honor Bianca and Reese's marriage.

I fully understand that you have probably already been contacted by well funded, loud, angry activists who would like to eliminate all portrayals of gay people in the media. Especially positive portrayals. And historically there has hardly been a more positive portrayal of a gay person anywhere on television than that of Erica Kane's daughter, Bianca.

Agnes Nixon knew when she decided that the character of Bianca would come out as gay that she was inviting controversy. She understood that there would be viewers who did not want a gay person to disrupt their enjoyment of their show. She knew that by making Erica Kane's daughter gay she insured that the issue would be a front burner story. And most importantly, Agnes knew that by making Bianca a sympathetic, intelligent, good hearted person she would challenge her viewer's prejudices about homosexuality.

Everyone knows that it is next to impossible to change a person's mind about a deeply held belief by appealing to them with logic, statistics, facts and figures. Ironically this approach almost always backfires. People become more entrenched in their beliefs after being presented with evidence that refutes the validity of their prejudices.

But if you can touch their heart, you can change their mind. Bianca's story touched the hearts of millions of All My Children fans and changed many, many minds. I sincerely ask you to continue to tell Bianca's story with the same compassion and respect that was used when she came out as a teenager, and to honor her marriage with Reese.

I understand that weddings are a dime a dozen on daytime and that writers believe that happy couples are boring couples. But Bianca's wedding to Reese was unlike any other wedding on daytime and their right to marry is still an unresolved controversy in America. Please don't diminish the importance of this event by unceremoniously having Bianca divorce Reese. It is disrespectful and irresponsible.

And finally I ask that you remember that by honoring Bianca's marriage you have the opportunity and the power to change even more hearts.

Thank you,

________________________________________________

A thoughtful viewer with a fully functional remote control.

###

Download a Copy of the LETTER TO BRIAN FRONS

We're Just Trying to Be Helpful

You may have heard the rumors that Brian Frons is working on a replacement for the current head writers of All My Children.  We offered twice before (here and here) to take over the reigns but nobody seems interested.... Does that deter us from trying to be helpful? No it doesn't. Cause we're big hearted that way.

Of course, if we were in charge of AMC it would become The Big Gay Bianca Show and Reese would be back in Pine Valley faster than you can say "Lesbians?! What lesbians?!"   But we also realize that there are other characters on the show and we wouldn't just forget about them.  No, we have plans for almost everybody.

Since Fronsie isn't interested in our ideas, we thought we would share them with you, our faithful readers.  In no particular order, here are some storylines we conjured up almost completely without effort. No seriously, it was about as strenuous as making toast. And still, there are some ideas in here that are far better than anything we're seeing on AMC right now. Are we wrong?

RANDOM STORY IDEA LIST FOR AMC:

• Greenlee dumps Ryan, joins the Ice Capades, makes millions developing new cosmetics line for Johnny Weir. 
• David is convicted of being as a**hole & is ordered to perform piano concerts at OakHaven & state penitentiary for the rest of his life. 
• Kendall teams up w/Rev Ricky to create the biggest Mega Church in the Northeast supporting liberal causes & social justice issues. They also organize a massive boycott of Chick-fil-A.
• Jesse arrests Liza for impersonating a human being. 
• Griffin forsakes medicine to open a Latin Dance School. Tad is his first student. 
• Amanda enrolls in Med School to impress Jake & accidentally discovers a cure for Angie's blindness. 
• Randi is in a tragic car accident that destroys her vocal chords. She recovers by learning how to express herself thru interpretive dance.
• Colby & Asher go hiking in Tuscarora State Forest & get lost. Once a month we check in on them. Asher is chopping wood w/his shirt off. 
• Erica Kane, Victoria Lord & Wendy Williams team up for a new daytime talk show. 
• Krystal takes over an aging, rundown animal shelter & tries to get every resident of Pine Valley to adopt a pet. 
• JR, in his never ending quest to prove he is a good father, becomes AJ's Cub Scout Leader. Bear Cub, Wolf Cub & Webelos included!
• Opal & Annie take over Wildwind & turn it into Grey Gardens.

###

Hark the Herald, Pratt Falls Sings!

Hark the herald Pratt Falls sing
Glory to the the new found Binks!
Please don't have a divorce filed
Let Binks & Reese be reconciled!
Joyful all ye fans should rise
No one in Pine Valley ever dies!
With the Pratt Falls chicks proclaim
"Don't let Reese take all the blame!"
Hark the herald Pratt Falls sing
Binks still wears her wedding ring!

Reese by Pratt Falls is adored
Without Reese, Binks sure is bored!
Please let Reese return from France,
Wearing groovy fancy pants!
Poor Mimo and little Gabby,
Need both their moms to not feel crabby!
Please don't treat the fans so shabby.
Binks without Reese makes us stabby!
Hark the herald Pratt Falls sings,
"Why do writers do these things?"

RANT

Hark the Herald Pratt Falls sings,
Glory to the new found Binks!
Please don't have a divorce filed
Let Binks & Reese be reconciled!

Joyful all ye fans should rise
Join our angry, mournful cries!
With the Pratt Falls chicks proclaim:
"Eden Riegel is not to blame!"

###

Emergency Missive to the Head Writers at All My Children

TO: David & Donna; Donner & Blitzen; Laurel & Hardy
FROM: The Pratt Falls Chicks
DELIVER: HIGH PRIORITY

SUBJECT: PLEASE! We are begging you! Do Not Ignore Our Warnings!

Dear Starsky & Hutch, if you are still the Head Writers at AMC by the time this reaches you, we implore you, we beg you, we beseech you: BRING BACK REESE! Offscreen references to Bianca's legally wedded, smoking hot wife will not suffice. We repeat: Offscreen references can no longer be counted on to mollify the masses.

Bianca NEEDS her wife. REESE must be returned to Pine Valley ASAP. This is not just what we're hoping and wishing for! This is the only way to avoid complete and total anarchy in the Forest of Marginalized Gay Folk.

 We've warned you before, to no avail. Did you care when we told you about the Rainbow Unicorns' Rampaging Stampede through the Forest causing brutal mutilation of the Stardust Glitter Fairies?!  No you did not.



Did you heed our warning about the Killer Attack Bunnies? Or even inquire about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, the only known defense against Killer Rabbits? No, of course not.

And because of your inconsiderate, heartless, indifference to the solitary suffering of Bianca Montgomery, there are now Armed Gnomes on the loose.  Oh yes, you read that right. ARMED GNOMES.  The Forest of Marginalized Gay Folk is at DefCon 4 people!

PLEASE NOTE: Your average Garden Gnome is typically a fun loving creature. Mischievous and prone to pranking their friends, but generally harmless.  Their behavior changes drastically when under stress or after long periods of deprivation from their favorite Soap Opera Couple.  It must also be noted, that Gnomes are particularly fond of Miranda and even the ill-begotten Gabby.  Rumor has it that Garden Gnomes are the unknown protectors of Secret Sperm. We cannot, however, definitively confirm or deny this claim.

Armed Gnomes are said to be particularly fierce this time of year - snow covered, vertically challenged, heathens from the North. Lets hope Santa's Elven Army doesn't join their hellish brigade. That's the last thing anyone wants: gnomes and elves attacking innocent gingerbread houses with fiery fruit cakes and boiling egg nog. The inhumanity of it all!

In addition to alerting you to the impending crisis, the Gnomes have asked us to relate to you a List of Demands.  We have translated from the original Gnome language as best we can:

1. Return Reese must to Bianca and her wee ones.

2. Lovey Dovey Goo Goo Eyes for the Reese all the times with much Bianca.

3. Snarl barking permissible for purposes only to make Sexy Eyes again again again.

4. Much wee ones huggy huggy time.

There were several more demands that are, frankly, indecipherable, but if we are able to translate them, we promise to send them along. Several references to Fedora's and ties were made. We're not sure why.

Please study the reconnaissance photo below, taken just this morning. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.  Bring back Reese and give Bianca the Love Story she deserves or the Gnomes Will Attack!

##GrrrrArrgghh##

Tragedy Is Imminent!

No, we are not talking about Zach's death. We are talking about how once again Bianca is NOT MENTIONED in the All My Children spoilers. How is this possible?!? RAGE CAPS ALONE CANNOT CONVEY OUR FIERY ANGER!

Great balls of cat fur, do David Kreizman and Donna Swajeski even know who Bianca is or what imminent means?! 


IMMINENT

: ready to take place; especially : hanging threateningly over one's head < in imminent danger of being attacked by killer bunnies in the Forest of Marginalized Gay Folk>
 

CLICK HERE to see what happens when writers ignore Bianca and deprive her of her smoking hot wife Reese.

  
We imagine Kreizman and Swajeski sitting in their ABC offices, thumbing through the AMC Bible, reading the additions, appendixes and notations made by Pratt.  Including, but not limited to the official AMC definition of:

LESBIAN:
adjective -- of or pertaining to babysitter of children; bringer of tea.
noun -- an inhabitant of the twilight zone surrounding Pine Valley where people who have been killed but their body never recovered are kept in limbo until needed or wanted. Lesbians sometimes wither away and are lost to oblivion, and/or achieve successful careers beyond daytime tv. Also see "The Martin Attic." Famous AMC lesbians: Josh Duhamel.

# # GrrrArrgghh # #

Help Us Save Reese!

Quite Possibly Our Most Important Blog Post Ever

Dear Friends,

We decided we wanted to use a bit of our little corner of the internet to talk about recent events involving the bullying of gay kids and the suicides that resulted from the bullying.  We're filled with sorrow and outrage and consternation over what has happened in the past few weeks.

We send our condolences to the families of Tyler Clementi, Billy Lucas, Asher Brown, Justin Aaberg, Seth Walsh and the thousands of nameless teens who have suffered bullying and discrimination.  You have our deepest sympathy and our thoughts and prayers are with you.

To the thousands of nameless adults who condone bullying, attend churches that preach a gospel of hatred towards homosexuality, to people in power who remain silent when insensitive, disparaging remarks are made about gays and lesbians we ask - what are you thinking? What happened to your heart? Has it shriveled up and died? No, seriously, it's a valid question.

For all the gains that have been made for fairness and equality, these suicides show us, in no uncertain terms, we still have a long way to go.  We may not be celebrities or politicians or true "public figures" (hell, we only have 750 twitter followers!) - but we have a voice, and so do you. And now more than ever we must unite in order to spread a loud, clear message of love and respect. This act of unity must extend to all aspects of society: government, education and media.

We hope you'll join us in letting the television industry know that they are not exempt from this call to action! We especially want to encourage the soaps to stop running from their responsibilities in regards to gay characters. Bianca's coming out story on All My Children is now legendary. A watershed moment in TV history.  A breakthrough for the LGBT community. Bianca Montgomery represents a whole generation of young gay people struggling to survive and fighting for equality. Why won't the current writers let her story continue to reflect the hopes and dreams and struggles of gay Americans?

We truly believe that the soaps have an obligation to tell the stories of the gay characters (that they created!)  with intelligence, honesty, dignity and truth. These stories are powerful and important and need to be told.

Finally, we want to acknowledge that we will never be able to change the hearts or minds of self righteous, fear mongering, Bible/Koran/Torah thumping bigots by expressing our disgust for them. The only useful thing we can do is stand up and speak out. We shall tweet, blog and youtube ourselves repeatedly to let the world know:

1. We're not afraid of the gay. In fact we delight in all the wonderful things gays have brought to the world.

2. We do not believe in a God that hates. Anyone.

3. We will not tolerate anyone making anti-gay comments in our presence. Which means if you get your gay hate on while we're around, you can expect us to call you out for it, which may include one or both of us breaking into song, which may or may not be a song from Into the Woods and/or South Pacific.

and

4. We will fight to our last breath for the right of Bianca Christine Montgomery to have a meaningful, long and lusty love life with her legally wedded, smoking hot wife, Reese. Because all of us, gay and straight, deserve to have a meaningful, long and lusty love life with someone who we find as smoking hot as Reese. It's a basic, fundamental human right.

So say we all.

And to any LGBT kids out there who might have stumbled upon this blog -- we want to reiterate the message that "It Gets Better."  All My Children probably won't get much better, but your life -- definitely will.

Please join us in supporting these worthy organizations and the important work they do:

The Trevor Project * http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ * Toll free hotline: 866-488-7386
The Trevor Project is a nonprofit endeavor established to promote acceptance of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth, and to aid in suicide prevention among that group.

GLSEN * http://www.glsen.org
GLSEN is an education organization creating safe schools for all lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network strives to assure that each member of every school community is valued and respected regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression.

PFLAG - Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays * http://community.pflag.org/
PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, their families and friends through: support, education, and advocacy.


WE GIVE A DAMN * http://www.wegiveadamn.org/
The Give a Damn Campaign is for everybody who cares about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality.  But, it’s especially for all you straight people out there! Whether you’re already an active supporter, want to show your support for the first time, or hadn’t given equality a lot of thought before and now want to learn more, we are here to help you get informed about the issues and get involved, at a pace that works for you.

NOH8 * http://www.noh8campaign.com/
the NOH8 Campaign is a photographic silent protest created by celebrity photographer Adam Bouska (http://www.bouska.net) and partner Jeff Parshley in direct response to the passage of Proposition 8. Photos feature subjects with duct tape over their mouths, symbolizing their voices being silenced by Prop 8 and similar legislation around the world, with "NOH8" painted on one cheek in protest.

FAITH IN AMERICA * http://www.faithinamerica.com/
The mission of Faith In America is three-fold: a) to educate the public about the harm caused to gay Americans when religion-based bigotry and prejudice is used to justify condemnation, discrimination and violence; b) to aggressively challenge such oppression by anyone who promotes it or attempts to justify it; and c) to aggressively confront the social respectability and acceptability afforded to Americans who cite religion-based bigotry to oppress gay Americans.

Also, you might want to take time to read this very well written op-ed by Alfred P. Doblin at the North Jersey Record http://www.northjersey.com/columnists/doblin/doblin_100410.html

 And last but not least - Let your voice be heard!

ONLINE CONTACT FORMS FOR MAJOR NETWORKS
http://abc.go.com/site/contact-us
http://www.cbs.com/info/user_services/fb_global_form.php
http://nbc.researchresults.com/?s=10

Thanks for your time!  Ellen & Portia

Can You Feel The Love Tonight?

NuBianca thinks we're funny!

The make-up people hate us, but ... who cares!?!

The only bad thing about this admission on Chrissie's part -- (we feel empowered to call her Chrissie now that she's openly admitted she reads our little blog) -- if she has time to read our site, she's not getting any hefty storylines that would require her to be feverishly studying pages and pages of dialogue. 

Nope, seems she has time to surf the net during work. This is not altogether good news for us, cause we WANT MORE BIANCA. Not Bianca the Babysitter, not Bianca the Office Girl, not Bianca the Bringer of Tea. We want Bianca the Patron Saint of All that is Good in Pine Valley front and center with a story of her very own.  Of course our first choice would be a story of reconciliation between Bianca and her smoking hot wife, Reese. But at this point, we'll take what we can get.

In the meantime, we suppose we should be grateful to know NuBianca knows we exist. And she hasn't taken out a restraining order against us!  Excelsior!

###

Reason #457 Why We Should Be Head Writers at All My Children

WARNING: Excessive ALL CAPS abuse runs rampant through out this post.
Picture us watching today's episode of All My Children and insert string of unladylike expletives here. 

PORTIA:   %$&#*!@# Don't the "Good Story Telling Rules" still include "Show, Don't Tell"  ?

ELLEN: Of course they do! And not only that, "Show, Don't Tell" is especially useful when writing for a visual medium such as -- television!

PORTIA:  Well as far as I can tell, All My Children is still a television show. Though just barely.

ELLEN: Damn! I was so excited when we read the spoilers about Mimo being rushed to the hospital. Some actual DRAMA, potentially involving Bianca!!

PORTIA: Mimo!!

ELLEN:  I love Mimo almost as much I love and adore Bianca.

PORTIA: And her other Mommy, the Ever Illusive Pine Valley Averse Reese.

ELLEN: NuMimo looks like a 7 year old Eden clone. It makes my heart hurt.

PORTIA: I still love original recipe Mimo. Wonder what Haley's up to these days?

ELLEN: I wonder if she has a Messiah Complex. If not she certainly deserves one.

PORTIA:  I just don't understand AMC!  C'mon, is this the way to create drama ??

1) put a small, adorable, universally cherished, messianic child in danger but DON'T ACTUALLY SHOW HER IN DANGER
2) have her new found friend, the crusty, old curmudgeon rescue her but DON'T ACTUALLY SHOW HIM RESCUING HER

ELLEN:  Excellent job guys! The suspense is killing us. What happens next? Mimo is saved but we DON'T ACTUALLY GET TO SEE HER RESUSCITATED?

PORTIA:  Well, y'know, where's the excitement in seeing any of that stuff?  Maybe, if we're lucky we'll get to see something fun and different and exciting tomorrow like, like -- MARISSA CRYING! Wouldn't THAT be GREAT? Can't wait to see that. Again. Forty days and forty nights of non stop crying courtesy of Marissa. Gah!

ELLEN: Poor Bianca is the one separated from her smoking hot wife, she's got something to cry about. But does she cry? No! She babysits and plans parties.

PORTIA: Marissa is so mopey she almost makes me wish Babe would come back from the dead just to slap her.

ELLEN: Why do you say such horrible things?

PORTIA: Sorry, it must the bourbon and the broken dreams.

ELLEN: And what is with Caleb and Angie and the faux dramatic pause over Mimo's body???? Shouldn't they be taking her to the hospital ASAP?

PORTIA: Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

ELLEN: It should have looked like this:

1. Angie, stumbling around, the house FULL OF SMOKE.

PORTIA: Come on AMC, we'll host a fundraiser to buy you guys a damn smoke machine.

ELLEN:
2. Caleb barreling into Miranda's SMOKE FILLED room, pulling her little lifeless body from the haze.
3. Angie and Caleb rushing out the door to the sound of ambulances and cop cars in the air. Lots of smoke.

PORTIA: LOTS AND LOTS OF SMOKE.

ELLEN:
4. Quick cut to Bianca, as she falls to the ground screaming in pain - something is wrong with Miranda!

PORTIA: But everything will be alright. . . because .... it has to be.

ELLEN:
5. Quick cut to Kendall, screaming for Bianca because she feels Binks feeling Mimo in danger!
6. Quick cut to European city. It's night. Erica Kane wakes from a disturbed sleep. Her eyes flash -

PORTIA:  KANE BABY INJURED! JACK WAKE UP! KANE BABY INJURED!


ELLEN:
7. Quick cut to Gabrielle, holding wire cutters and matches.

PORTIA:  *cue Addam's family theme*

ELLEN:
8. Cut to Reese. Slouching over a table in a sleazy French bar holding a glass of cheap wine.

PORTIA: Mumbling incoherently over and over: "this is all my fault!"

ELLEN:  WHY ARE WE NOT THE HEAD WRITERS OF THIS SHOW?!?!?!

PORTIA: WHY ARE THE CURRENT WRITERS LAZY AND CHEAP?!?!?

ELLEN: They didn't have a bedroom set so everything was offscreen?

PORTIA:  Please!  With a smoke machine and a Little Mermaid blanket they could have turned AJ's room into Miranda's room. Easy.

ELLEN: Do you think CBL will be able to successfully pull off Bianca in Mama Bear mode?

PORTIA: The real question is will they even bother to show us Bianca?

ELLEN: GrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrAArrgghhhhh

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Yea! NO H8!

Finally! Prop 8 is overturned in California. We know there's still a long way to go before America catches up with more civilized countries like, oh - Canada! And Argentina, Belgium, Iceland, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, South Africa, Spain and Sweden. But it's movement in the right direction.

Now, if we could only get the asshats at All My Children to bring back Reese so that Bianca could be reunited with her WIFE, we'd be truly happy.  In the meantime, we'll celebrate today's victory.

Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight.

Monumental Mythic Musings

Please let the title of this post serve as a warning to you, dear reader, that deep philosophical, sorta-pseudo metaphysical Joycean-style Joseph Campbell induced ramblings are on the way.  We'll spare you any sort of attempt to justify this exchange. We're an odd pair of chicks who delight in over-analyzing our Bianca/Eden/Tamara/Reese obsession.  We include it here for your amusement.  As always, feel free to comment....


PORTIA:  What are you doing?

ELLEN: Nothing, what are you doing?

PORTIA:  Having a philosophical crisis.

ELLEN: Actually, I'm contemplating eating this bag of M&Ms while my brain degenerates into post-thesis mush.

PORTIA:  Why would you contemplate eating M&Ms? Just eat them for god's sake.

ELLEN:  Would the Loathly Lady eat M&Ms if offered to her?

PORTIA:  Unless you & the Loathly Lady are planning to get into bikinis this weekend there is no good reason NOT to eat the M&Ms.

ELLEN:  Good point.

PORTIA: Ok, can we talk about my crisis now?

ELLEN:  Proceed.

PORTIA:  I think I have a new theory on why I might be Bianca/Eden obsessed.

ELLEN:  Might be?

PORTIA:  Ok, fine. I can own it.  I am obsessed.  But I think I have figured out why.  Finally.

ELLEN: Ok, what is it?

PORTIA:  Well, you're aware that I do like me some serious mythology and am deeply interested in philosophy and frighteningly prone to over-analyzing stories that interest me.

ELLEN:  And it's just one of the many reasons why I love you.

PORTIA:  Sarcasm aside, Miss I Have A Masters Thesis in Medieval Literature, I have come to a very profound insight about our dear, beloved Bianca.

ELLEN:  Does our dear, beloved Bianca even exist anymore? Now that she's not Eden, or Eden is not Bianca? And Bianca is without Reese? I mean, the new chick is fine.  She seems to be a lovely person and a very good, competent actor, but...

PORTIA:  She's not Eden.  I know. . . but CBL is not what I want to talk about right now.

ELLEN: Ok, what is this blinding, profound insight?

PORTIA:  Well, I am reading these two Joseph Campbell books --

ELLEN: Simultaneously?

PORTIA:  Yes.  Do you have a problem with that?

ELLEN: No.

PORTIA:  Yes you do.  You think it's weird.

ELLEN:  No I don't.

PORTIA:  Look at you!  You're eating the M&Ms color by color.

ELLEN:  So?  I like to be organized.

PORTIA: Whatever.  According to Joe, --

ELLEN:  Are you on a first name basis now?

PORTIA:  As a matter of fact, yes.  According to Joe, the first function of mythology is "reconciliation" of the brutality of life with a gratitude for the sweetness of life.

ELLEN: Bianca knows about the brutality of life.

PORTIA:  I know! Right?  And, civilization's first mythologies affirm that even though life is full of "bitterness and pain" at it's core, our primary experience of life is sweetness.

ELLEN:  My primary experience of life right now is sweetness, but I think it has more to do with gratitude for the M&Ms than with primitive mythology.

PORTIA:  C'mon!  This is important.  Seriously, I can't overstate how significant I think this is!! -- The first mythologies were ones of affirmation of life. Reconciling the brutality and bitterness with the ultimate sweetness. Now if that is not the very heart and soul of Bianca Christine Montgomery's character, I don't know what is!!

ELLEN:  Well, it's true, everything in Bianca's history is proof that the poor girl has suffered plenty.

PORTIA:  And through it all she remained a good, life affirming person.

ELLEN:  Ok, but ... this isn't exactly a news flash.  We've always known Bianca is practically a saint.  I mean, she did give birth to the Messiah, Little Mimo.  And did you notice, the NuMimo looks exactly like Eden at age 7, which I think is weird.  But whatever, at least Bianca has her babies back.

PORTIA:  Focus Ellen, focus!  Think about Bianca in mythic terms, and consider all that she has suffered and how she always, ALWAYS stays a good person!  A "life-affirming" person!  I'm convinced it has raised the level of the character to mythic standing.

ELLEN:  Ooooh, I see what you mean.  Do you think Agnes ever read Joseph Campbell?

PORTIA:  Who knows.  But, you know, merely writing a character with this quality is not enough.  Having Bianca be played by an actor that physically, emotionally and intellectually projects the same sentiment is what is critical.

ELLEN: AMC had no idea how lucky there were.  Finding Eden for Bianca was catching lightening in a bottle. It doesn't matter how talented a recast is, or whether the writers are able to come up with something moving and brilliant, Bianca without Eden is not Bianca. You've actually put your finger on why this is true.

PORTIA:  It's not as simple as "we love Eden because she's so sweet and fun and cute!"  Bianca + Eden = MONUMENTAL MYTHIC MAGIC.

ELLEN:  Ok, you might have a propensity to overstate things a wee bit. Poor CBL, I wonder if she knew she was stepping into mythic shoes?  And it's so true, that no matter what life, or Pratt, has thrown at Eden, she seems to respond with complete and utter kindness and a belief that the world is ultimately good.  Just like Bianca does.

PORTIA:  Yes!  And in this day and age, when so many people are so deeply bitter and negative about EVERYTHING, it's refreshing and reassuring to see people, real and fictional, who still believe in the sweetness of life.

ELLEN:  Uh, yeah, so, what makes this a philosophical crisis?

PORTIA:  Well, there's more!  You know the whole "follow your bliss" stuff, right?

ELLEN:  Whatever the frak that means.

PORTIA:  According to Joe "bliss" is "that deep sense of being present, of doing what you absolutely must do to be yourself."  Again -- Hello Bianca!!  Her coming out story is all about doing what you absolutely must do to be yourself.

ELLEN:  And if Pratt hadn't ruined it, we might also have gotten to see Reese live out that kind of story.

PORTIA:  GrrrrrArrrggghhhh.

ELLEN:  That asshat's fuckery not only deprived us of the hottest lesbian eye sex on television, he damn near destroyed a mythic character!!  I had no idea I could despise him more deeply than I already did but I think I do.

PORTIA:  And may I just add, on the subject of Reese, I think one reason Reese is so important to the Bianca story is that her love for Bianca --hot eye sex being just one major indicator-- is proof of Bianca's wisdom in believing in the sweetness of life.

ELLEN:  If there is anything sweeter than those two together with Miranda and their ill-begotten baby Gaby, I don't know what it is.

PORTIA:  Good ole Joe also said that "the first function of mythology is to evoke in the individual a sense of grateful, affirmative awe before the monstrous mystery that is existence."

ELLEN:  That's deep.  And All My Children is frequently a monstrous mystery.

PORTIA:  Somehow, someway, despite what was written for their characters, Eden and Tamara created a bond between Bianca & Reese that is indestructible and indescribably sweet.  I mean, their wedding vows, for example, were so beautiful, and despite having to watch Greenlee drive herself off a cliff during their wedding ceremony, I felt full of that "grateful, affirmative awe."

ELLEN:  Ah ha! So this is why you made all those sappy music videos.

PORTIA:  Goddamnit! I WANT THEM BACK ON MY TV TOGETHER NOW AND FOREVER. Because while the rest of the world sucks donkeyballs those two made me believe in "the sweetness of life."

ELLEN:  And that there is your crisis.  I completely understand.

PORTIA:  I knew you would.

ELLEN:  Have some M&Ms.

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