Monday, December 20, 2010

Hark the Herald, Pratt Falls Sings!

Hark the herald Pratt Falls sing
Glory to the the new found Binks!
Please don't have a divorce filed
Let Binks & Reese be reconciled!
Joyful all ye fans should rise
No one in Pine Valley ever dies!
With the Pratt Falls chicks proclaim
"Don't let Reese take all the blame!"
Hark the herald Pratt Falls sing
Binks still wears her wedding ring!

Reese by Pratt Falls is adored
Without Reese, Binks sure is bored!
Please let Reese return from France,
Wearing groovy fancy pants!
Poor Mimo and little Gabby,
Need both their moms to not feel crabby!
Please don't treat the fans so shabby.
Binks without Reese makes us stabby!
Hark the herald Pratt Falls sings,
"Why do writers do these things?"


Hark the Herald Pratt Falls sings,
Glory to the new found Binks!
Please don't have a divorce filed
Let Binks & Reese be reconciled!

Joyful all ye fans should rise
Join our angry, mournful cries!
With the Pratt Falls chicks proclaim:
"Eden Riegel is not to blame!"


Monday, December 13, 2010

Emergency Missive to the Head Writers at All My Children

TO: David & Donna; Donner & Blitzen; Laurel & Hardy
FROM: The Pratt Falls Chicks
SUBJECT: PLEASE! We are begging you! Do Not Ignore Our Warnings!

Dear Starsky & Hutch, if you are still the Head Writers at AMC by the time this reaches you, we implore you, we beg you, we beseech you: BRING BACK REESE! Offscreen references to Bianca's legally wedded, smoking hot wife will not suffice. We repeat: Offscreen references can no longer be counted on to mollify the masses.

Bianca NEEDS her wife. REESE must be returned to Pine Valley ASAP. This is not just what we're hoping and wishing for! This is the only way to avoid complete and total anarchy in the Forest of Marginalized Gay Folk.

 We've warned you before, to no avail. Did you care when we told you about the Rainbow Unicorns' Rampaging Stampede through the Forest causing brutal mutilation of the Stardust Glitter Fairies?!  No you did not.

Did you heed our warning about the Killer Attack Bunnies? Or even inquire about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, the only known defense against Killer Rabbits? No, of course not.

And because of your inconsiderate, heartless, indifference to the solitary suffering of Bianca Montgomery, there are now Armed Gnomes on the loose.  Oh yes, you read that right. ARMED GNOMES.  The Forest of Marginalized Gay Folk is at DefCon 4 people!

PLEASE NOTE: Your average Garden Gnome is typically a fun loving creature. Mischievous and prone to pranking their friends, but generally harmless.  Their behavior changes drastically when under stress or after long periods of deprivation from their favorite Soap Opera Couple.  It must also be noted, that Gnomes are particularly fond of Miranda and even the ill-begotten Gabby.  Rumor has it that Garden Gnomes are the unknown protectors of Secret Sperm. We cannot, however, definitively confirm or deny this claim.

Armed Gnomes are said to be particularly fierce this time of year - snow covered, vertically challenged, heathens from the North. Lets hope Santa's Elven Army doesn't join their hellish brigade. That's the last thing anyone wants: gnomes and elves attacking innocent gingerbread houses with fiery fruit cakes and boiling egg nog. The inhumanity of it all!

In addition to alerting you to the impending crisis, the Gnomes have asked us to relate to you a List of Demands.  We have translated from the original Gnome language as best we can:

1. Return Reese must to Bianca and her wee ones.
2. Lovey Dovey Goo Goo Eyes for the Reese all the times with much Bianca.
3. Snarl barking permissible for purposes only to make Sexy Eyes again again again.
4. Much wee ones huggy huggy time.

There were several more demands that are, frankly, indecipherable, but if we are able to translate them, we promise to send them along. Several references to Fedora's and ties were made. We're not sure why.

Please study the reconnaissance photo below, taken just this morning. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.  Bring back Reese and give Bianca the Love Story she deserves or the Gnomes Will Attack!


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Bianca-Blow out! + Binks Squared! = *THUD*

Well, we still don't know some essential information about one Ms. Christina Bennett Lind. Like if she prefers cake or pie; who her favorite Disney Princess is; or if she is okay with us calling her Chrissie.  What we do know is, she reads this blog. << insert us doing our happy dance here >>

What's better than NuBinks reading our blog? How about the fact that AlphaBinks apparently stops by for a visit sometimes too!  We submit for your consideration the following Twitter Evidence as received last night in response to the blog post previous to this one (Questions for Chrissie):

Did you read that, people? Chrissie & Eden discussing the relative hotness of Bianca & Heather getting it on.
Yep. That's what you read.  You can thank us later. We accept latkes, any form of dark chocolate and cheese.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Questions for Chrissie!

Did you know that our buddies over at The Pine Valley Exposer are going to be interviewing Christina Bennett Lind? AND, they are asking for folks to send them questions! (Deadline is Wed, Dec. 8)

How could we resist this sparkly opportunity to engage with Pine Valley's Loneliest Lesbian? We couldn't!

So, without further ado:

Here are our thoughtful, insightful, penetrating, erudite, sensitive questions for Chrissie:

From Ellen:

1. If you could write Bianca's next storyline, what would you like to see happen?

2. Has metaphorical motherhood been a challenge?

3. Have you heard of "Kinks"?

4. Do you realize that you have been actively participating in "Kinks" since accepting the role?

5. Is Susan Lucci's hair full of secrets?

6. Is it okay to call you Chrissie?

From Portia:
1. Cake or Pie?

2. If there were a cosmic soap opera world collision, and Pine Valley mystically converged with Genoa City, and Bianca Montgomery was charged with a crime she obviously didn't commit, but put her into the same orbit as hot shot lawyer Heather Stevens, would Binks put the moves on her?

2a. What moves would they be?

3. If Binks met Heather, would their proximity to one another cause all surrounding carbon based life forms to crystallize into rock candy sugar formations?

4. How exactly do you "practice eye sex"?

5. Did anybody warn you about us?

6. Who's your favorite Disney Princess?

Gee, we hope Chrissie chooses one or two of our questions to answer! We'll be quivering with fevered anticipation until the interview is published!

And, Chrissie -- if you want to answer any of our questions directly -- or send us a cease and desist order -- you can email us: prattfalls(at)