Saturday, December 31, 2011

Biancapalooza Countdown * New Year's Resolutions?

Question #12

for Eden & Chrissie:
What do you think Bianca's New Year's Resolutions Might Be?

(We have some ideas....)
# # #



Friday, December 30, 2011

Biancapalooza Countdown * Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun?

Question #11

for Eden & Chrissie:

Alexa Havins as Babe

Sarah Glendening as Marissa

Seriously, we need to know -- does Bianca have a thing for twins?








 (She does! We know she does...)

Liz Hendrickson as Frankie


Liz Hendrickson as Maggie


# # #

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Biancapalooza Countdown * The Littlest Kane


Question #10

for Eden & Chrissie


Don't you think one of Bianca's greatest story-lines could have been the saga of The Long Suffering, Tortured Mother of Gabrielle, who is surely on course to become a semi-psychotic, diabolical, misunderstood, crafty, trouble-maker, sex-pot not unlike her Aunt Kendall in her early days?*



*For which, we blame Reese.

# # #

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Biancapalooza Countdown * Who Shot JR?

Question #9

for Chrissie

In your opinion, who bit JR's bullet? Because according to the laws of All My Children, the least deserving person is the most likely to get shot (so, therefore, according to our calculations, Bianca is screwed).

((AND, if Bianca did get shot, did Marissa tackle JR, grab his gun and shoot his balls off?  Or does that just happen in our version of the scene?))
 
# # # 

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Biancapalooza Countdown * Why, God, Why?!?

Question #8

for Eden & Chrissie & Dan J Kroll


WHY in the name of Agnes Nixon, did not one single writer employed by All My Children ever give us a story where Bianca is the one who is relentlessly, romantically, hopelessly pursued?


 


Cause, in our humble opinion, it is a glaring omission. And in case nobody besides us ever noticed *ahem* (cough cough) the 2 chicks who have played grown up Bianca are most definitely what a lot of people call "hotties."  C'mon! We're just sayin'!

Sorry for the run on sentence. Brain meltdown in progress.....



# # #

Monday, December 26, 2011

Biancapalooza Countdown * And Binx Shall Lead Them

Question #7

for Chrissie


Out of all the characters on All My Children,
how crazy is it that the first to have a sex tape is Bianca?
   

# # #

Biancapalooza Countdown * Christmas Miracles

Question #6

for Eden

What was it like to be at the center of the
biggest, grandest, most emotional
Christmas Miracle Episode
in the 41 year history of
All My Children?
 
# # #

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Biancapalooza Countdown * Do Ask! Do Tell!

Question #5

for Eden & Chrissie
Sailors share US Navy's first official gay kiss.
"Marissa Gaeta, petty officer 2nd class of Placerville, California, is shown kissing her girlfriend Citlalic Snell,
also a naval officer, of Los Angeles, in the rain at Virginia Beach. Behind them is the USS Oak Hill,
an amphibious landing ship from which Gaeta has just disembarked after 80 days at sea.
By being selected as the crew member to make the traditional "first kiss" ashore,
Gaeta stepped off the ship and into the history books." THE GUARDIAN
When you see images like the one above
do you feel a tinge of pride knowing that
Bianca Montgomery* helped make
this moment possible?


Read full story here.

*Bianca Montgomery and all positive portrayals of LGBT characters depicted in the media. 
Though we would say there have been none more positive than Binks!

# # #

Friday, December 23, 2011

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Biancapalooza Countdown Continues.....

Question #3

for Eden & Chrissie
~ ~ ~
We consider Bianca's ability to tear up,
sniffle with pride, cry prettily,
weep with dignity and slay you
with the slightest chin quiver,
a bona fide Super Power.

Have you ever been tempted
to use this power outside the studio
to manipulate poor, unsuspecting,
defenseless humans?

# # #

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Biancapalooza Countdown

Question #2
  
Eden & Chrissie:
 
 
Have you ever wished you could
play with our Bianca Shrine?
 

 


Tuesday, December 20, 2011

T -30 Days & Counting


Are You As Excited As We Are?!?  
Cause we're hyperventilating!

In honor of this unprecedented event, we are doing a COUNTDOWN
in which we will reveal one question a day that we would like to ask
Eden or Chrissie, or Eden and Chrissie,
during their appearance on Soap Central Live!

(Did you know Chrissie said it was OK for us to call her Chrissie
when she was originally on Soap Central Live? Yes, that's right.
We're in with the in crowd. We're Chrissie's Best Buds!
Well ... of the animated variety, anyway.)

So ... without further ado ...

Eden & Chrissie:
Question #1:

Cake or Pie?

###

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Awwwwwwwwwww

 
Jack Oscar Miller aka Prince Poopsalot
Yeah, we know. Eden's adorable baby boy was born last week. We have lives too, people! But anyway. LOOK AT THAT FACE. They have updated Webster's Dictionary.  Check it out.  Look up "Adorable" and you will see Jack Oscar Miller. He's perfect. Which we all knew he would be, given his parentage.

Congratulations Eden and Andrew. Welcome to the world, Jack!

Love, E & P.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Absolute Eden Charity Auction

The gals over at Eden's Official Fan Club have put together an awesome auction to benefit  HPP, Homeless Prenatal Program, a wonderful organization in San Francisco that is dedicated to breaking the cycle of childhood poverty.

Eden and a couple of her "friends" have generously donated several items that will be auctioned off to the highest bidder and all proceeds will go to HPP.  You can bet we'll be in on the action.  We have our eye on the box of condoms signed by the Imaginary Bitches themselves, Catherine and Heather. Hmmm, do you think they signed the box using invisible ink?



FOLLOW THESE LINKS TO:
Get all the details at ABSOLUTE EDEN!
See the Auction Items on EBAY!
Learn more about HPP!


Send complaints about there not being a pic up for auction of Eden wearing a chain mail bikini directly to @MillerLoLife on Twitter. 

###

Friday, May 6, 2011

We'll Always Have Paris

Dear Friends,

As many of you have probably noticed, we have been mostly silent throughout the AMC & OLTL
cancellation debacle. We are sure it perplexes you, and perhaps even, pisses you off. Please be assured, it was not an easy decision for us, nor one that was made lightly.

Who knew that when we decided to animate ourselves two years ago and strike a satiric blow against Chuck Pratt and AMC in defense of Eden Riegel that our supercilious silliness would result in instant internet fame! (Fame, but alack, no fortune.) No matter! We did it for love, not money. And we would do it again (indeed, WILL do it again) should Eden (or Tamara or Chrissie) ever be so maligned and mistreated in so shameful a manner by people who should really, know better.

Over the past two years, as we continued our cavalcade of corny jokes, clever quips and unconditional love for the characters of Bianca and Reese and the women who've brought them to life, we've tried hard to evolve and emulate the best qualities of the characters we hold so dear. (In other words, we're hoping to be nicer, kinder, gentler people. AND IT'S FUCKING HARD.)

Ranting and raving and wringing ourselves into knots over the state of affairs at All My Children has not been as satisfying or productive as we'd hoped. And yet, we do not regret for a moment any of the time and effort we have put in to trying to draw attention to the importance and relevance of Bianca Christine Montgomery and her smoking hot wife, Reese. And yet . . .

. . . well, we can only hope that we've made a small bit of difference. We hope that, even though we've been fighting for a lost cause as far as Binks goes, it's not all been wasted time. This is a battle worth fighting. As long as actors get hate mail for portraying gay characters, and same sex marriage is illegal across most of the USA, and legislators write laws proclaiming you can't say gay, then we need to keep fighting. And we will.

Here's the thing. We're not going to continue fighting by creating more videos with the Pirate Shirted Menace or the Bespectacled Bastard. A wise man once said:  "If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will." Ok, Yoda said it. Still, wise words. Are we shallow people if we look to Star Wars for moral advice? We don't think so. Consider this: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.  Haven't we all suffered enough?

We're committed to turning over a new leaf. Plus, our lives (the actual real ones, not the animated ones) are on the brink of big changes. Unfortunately it is still necessary to protect our true identities, so we can't give you any real details, but we will tell you that these changes involve dramatic (temporary?) re-locations for the both of us, which will result in fun new stamps in our passports!

Very soon Portia will have to handle being subjected to gelato, pasta, and copious amounts of red wine on a daily basis while risking overexposure to all things Renaissance. Meanwhile Ellen is trying to figure out how she will contend with Medieval mayhem, serious potential for numerous encounters with men in kilts, and a permanent stay at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (or, at least, a stay down the street from Hogwarts). Still and all, changes that fall into the OMG WTF AM I DOING? category and cause you to reassess and reevaluate your life choices.

In other words, much like Eden and Tamara, we're moving on. Not to other fictional soap towns or to very real motherhood, but fear not! – we aren’t abandoning our post. We'll still keep tweeting and blogging and acting silly. We'll still defend and protect our girls, too. We'll sign petitions, and write letters and make phone calls and express our love for soaps, but we're not going to make anymore sarcastic, scathing, mean-spirited videos. We're going to focus on the love, not the hate. We think Binks would approve.

So in conclusion let us say:

We love soap operas. We particularly love All My Children and especially love the fabulous Kane women and we undeniably adore Bianca. We want her story to go on forever, and we really, really, really want Bianca to get the love and respect she so richly deserves.

We think Agnes Nixon created a masterpiece when she created All My Children, and there's no reason in the world, except corporate greed and laziness, that the show should not be successful for as long as people are still human beings. For as much as people need food and shelter, they need and crave and seek out stories.

Who knows why we are captivated by some stories and not others? Why some characters inspire us and touch our hearts or make us melt into puddles and turn us into lovesick saps?

Did we want to lose our Straight Cards because of Eden and Tamara's ridiculously seductive, outrageously sexy, incredibly poignant, deliciously sweet daily displays of hot eye sex? No, we did not. And yet, we were unable to resist the power of so much pretty. Yes, it's ridiculous, we know that! But isn't it part of the allure and charm of soap operas, that certain characters and couples can have an inexplicable effect on our hearts?

Stories are powerful. Unfortunately the people in control of the stories don't always play fair, or play nice. Sometimes they want to take their ball and go home and count their money.

Instead of railing against the unfairness of it all, or doing our best to publicly shame those we feel are most responsible for this travesty, we have chosen to step back and use the small voice we have to say "Thank you."

Thank you Agnes Nixon for creating Erica Kane and her daughters. For bringing socially relevant stories to daytime tv and making 40 years of life in Pine Valley entertaining, frustrating and heartwarming.



Thank you Susan Lucci for coming down from Mount Olympus to bring us the brilliant, gorgeous, complex, delightful dynamo, Erica Kane into our puny little lives.





Thank you Christina Bennett Lind for letting us call you "Chrissie" and keeping Bianca alive and well. You had an impossible task and you stepped in and have played the part with integrity, grace and beauty. You deserve every accolade we can think of to express our gratitude. 



Thank you Tamara Braun for being your sweet, smoking hot, dairy free self; for taking on the role of Reese and persevering through the most egregious, flagrant fuckery ever perpetrated against a character, straight or gay. For giving Reese both depth and pathos, and for revealing to us all the astounding sexiness of the world's most gentle, sweet and beloved little lesbian, Bianca Montgomery.


And to Eden Riegel. What can we say that we haven't already said? Thank you for your grace, your kindness, and your generosity. Thank you for sharing your time with us, on television and over twitter. Thank you for watching our ridiculous videos, reading our goofy blog posts and letting us interview you. Thank you for the laughter and tears we’ve shared over the years. You are one in a million. You are better than a Real Life Disney Princess. You are the sweetest human being in the history of human beings. And Blueberry is one lucky kid.

And, of course, we thank you for naming Blueberry after us…

What? “Pellen” is a great name!

Seriously, Eden, thank you for taking the high road, as it gave us the once in a lifetime chance to take the low road, a road that has enriched our lives and brought us so much joy. Not to mention the fun we've had!

And finally, thanks to all of you who have read the blog, watched our videos and followed us on Twitter. Your spirit, strength, and humour have been the greatest gift over these last two years. We hope you will stick with us on the next phase of our Pratt Falls journey!

Much love,
Ellen  &  Portia

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

You'll Never Guess Who Tweeted Us!!


Do you have any idea how hard (not to mention awkward) it is to try to explain cheese jokes?  Oy.

###

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

ABC Save Our Soaps Protests

We arranged for a message to be delivered to ABC studios in NYC and LA.
Did anybody see it?  Here's a pic:

Picture Captions
[Caption.iT - Face in Hole]

Friday, April 8, 2011

What an Auspicious Day! Binx Squared

The only thing that could possibly make this pic sweeter is if Tamara Braun were in the middle of it.  We're just sayin'....




i love you much(most beautiful darling)
by e.e. cummings

i love you much(most beautiful darling)
more than anyone on the earth and i
like you better than everything in the sky
-sunlight and singing welcome your coming

although winter may be everywhere
with such a silence and such a darkness
noone can quite begin to guess

(except my life)the true time of year-

and if what calls itself a world should have
the luck to hear such singing(or glimpse such
sunlight as will leap higher than high
through gayer than gayest someone's heart at your each

nearness)everyone certainly would(my 
most beautiful darling)believe in nothing but love

###

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Absolute Eden Podcast

Eden's Official Fan Club, Absolute Eden, has posted a podcast with Eden. 
It's awesome. Give it a listen right here:  ABSOLUTE POD.

eden-213-print

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Those Horrible Rumors

We know! We're bereft thinking about our favorite soap possibly being axed in favor of a useless talk show. As a matter of fact, we are so overcome with the possibility of All My Children's demise we are moping around in a chocolate induced daze.

For now all we have to say is, if you want to save AMC please call, write, tweet, email and sign petitions to let ABC know you want to save the show!






Our friends over at The Pine Valley Exposer have all the info you need to contact ABC. Go visit them here.

C'mon!! Go right now! What are you waiting for?

###

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Our Twitter Petition

Save Bianca & Reese's Marriage on All My Children


Gather 'round and hear us please,
A tragic tale for beloved Breese,

About a couple bright and gay,
Whose happiness was ripped away.

By a writing team without a clue,
Whatever can we fans do?

To save Bianca from this pain,
IT'S TIME TO ACT LIKE A TRUE KANE!

Rally round and hear our plea!
Surely we can all agree -

Bianca Montgomery deserves respect
not this pitiful, lousy train wreck!

A divorce by proxy? Over the phone?
This f*ckery we'll not condone!

Please join us in telling the Powers That Be
That this is what you want to see --

Bianca and Reese together and happy.
Anything less is just plain crappy.


Sign the Twitter Petition here: http://twitition.com/ohyjq
You must be logged in to Twitter to participate.


Or you can send a copy of this rhyming couplet rant to Brian Frons in email:
brian.frons@abc.com


###

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Letter to Brian Frons

Dear Friends, it has come to our attention that The Powers That Be at AMC are moving towards the Tammy Wynette Solution in regards to Binks' marriage. Yes, the ugly D.I.V.O.R.C.E. word has been uttered.   

We're beyond throwing humor at the situation, it's time to put on our frowny faces. We've written a letter to Mr. Frons that we hope each and every one of you will copy and paste into an email, or your very own word document.  We hope you will add your own comments. But if you're too lazy for that, PLEASE PLAGIARIZE US. INDEED THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT YOU TO DO!!

Now, if only we could get Eden to do a creative reading of this on YouTube, complete with tears and chin quivers, our efforts might get noticed.....

 ###


Date: ____________, 2011

Brian Frons
President of ABC Daytime
ABC, Inc.
2300 Riverside Drive
Burbank , CA 91506
Email: brian.frons@abc.com



Dear Mr. Frons,

Please feel free to share this letter with
___ Julie Hanan Carruthers and
___ Anne Sweeney and
___ Whoever Happens to Be on the Writing Staff of All My Children This Week.

I have read the recent All My Children spoilers regarding Bianca and I am writing to
___ ask you to
___ beg you to
___ implore you to

reconsider her filing for a divorce.

I am a
___ regular
___ occasional
___ reluctant

viewer who has watched All My Children for
___ weeks.
___ months.
___ years.
___ my entire life.

Not that it should matter, but I want you to know that I myself am
___ gay.
___ not gay.
___ not sure yet of my sexuality.

I think it is
___ important
___ imperative
___ inherently the decent thing to do

that you respect Bianca and Reese's marriage and reconsider this divorce business. In the grand scheme of soap operas, I understand that one divorce is
___ inconsequential.
___ trivial.
___ practically a non-event.

But Bianca is a unique case!

Gay marriage is a very important issue in our country. I am sympathetic to the fact that you would like to avoid
___ controversy.
___ hate mail.
___ negative publicity.
___ the wrath of fans.

If this issue wasn't so important to me I wouldn't bother writing to you. But I feel
___ extremely
___ strongly
___ passionately

compelled to share my thoughts with you about Bianca and Reese.

Quite honestly, I
___ love Reese.
___ hate Reese.
___ adore Reese.
___ couldn't care less about Reese.

But that's not the point. The point is Bianca is one of the few, positive representations of a gay person on daytime television. With so much of America divided and conflicted over the rights of gay people to marry I believe All My Children has a responsibility to respectfully honor Bianca and Reese's marriage.

I fully understand that you have probably already been contacted by well funded, loud, angry activists who would like to eliminate all portrayals of gay people in the media. Especially positive portrayals. And historically there has hardly been a more positive portrayal of a gay person anywhere on television than that of Erica Kane's daughter, Bianca.

Agnes Nixon knew when she decided that the character of Bianca would come out as gay that she was inviting controversy. She understood that there would be viewers who did not want a gay person to disrupt their enjoyment of their show. She knew that by making Erica Kane's daughter gay she insured that the issue would be a front burner story. And most importantly, Agnes knew that by making Bianca a sympathetic, intelligent, good hearted person she would challenge her viewer's prejudices about homosexuality.

Everyone knows that it is next to impossible to change a person's mind about a deeply held belief by appealing to them with logic, statistics, facts and figures. Ironically this approach almost always backfires. People become more entrenched in their beliefs after being presented with evidence that refutes the validity of their prejudices.

But if you can touch their heart, you can change their mind. Bianca's story touched the hearts of millions of All My Children fans and changed many, many minds. I sincerely ask you to continue to tell Bianca's story with the same compassion and respect that was used when she came out as a teenager, and to honor her marriage with Reese.

I understand that weddings are a dime a dozen on daytime and that writers believe that happy couples are boring couples. But Bianca's wedding to Reese was unlike any other wedding on daytime and their right to marry is still an unresolved controversy in America. Please don't diminish the importance of this event by unceremoniously having Bianca divorce Reese. It is disrespectful and irresponsible.

And finally I ask that you remember that by honoring Bianca's marriage you have the opportunity and the power to change even more hearts.

Thank you,


________________________________________________
A thoughtful viewer with a fully functional remote control.

###

Friday, January 14, 2011

We're Just Trying to Be Helpful

You may have heard the rumors that Brian Frons is working on a replacement for the current head writers of All My Children.  We offered twice before (here and here) to take over the reigns but nobody seems interested.... Does that deter us from trying to be helpful? No it doesn't. Cause we're big hearted that way.

Of course, if we were in charge of AMC it would become The Big Gay Bianca Show and Reese would be back in Pine Valley faster than you can say "Lesbians?! What lesbians?!"   But we also realize that there are other characters on the show and we wouldn't just forget about them.  No, we have plans for almost everybody.

Since Fronsie isn't interested in our ideas, we thought we would share them with you, our faithful readers.  In no particular order, here are some storylines we conjured up almost completely without effort. No seriously, it was about as strenuous as making toast. And still, there are some ideas in here that are far better than anything we're seeing on AMC right now. Are we wrong?

RANDOM STORY IDEA LIST FOR AMC:
  • Greenlee dumps Ryan, joins the Ice Capades, makes millions developing new cosmetics line for Johnny Weir. 
  • David is convicted of being as a**hole & is ordered to perform piano concerts at OakHaven & state penitentiary for the rest of his life. 
  • Kendall teams up w/Rev Ricky to create the biggest Mega Church in the Northeast supporting liberal causes & social justice issues. They also organize a massive boycott of Chick-fil-A.
  • Jesse arrests Liza for impersonating a human being. 
  • Griffin forsakes medicine to open a Latin Dance School. Tad is his first student. 
  • Amanda enrolls in Med School to impress Jake & accidentally discovers a cure for Angie's blindness. 
  • Randi is in a tragic car accident that destroys her vocal chords. She recovers by learning how to express herself thru interpretive dance.
  • Colby & Asher go hiking in Tuscarora State Forest & get lost. Once a month we check in on them. Asher is chopping wood w/his shirt off. 
  • Erica Kane, Victoria Lord & Wendy Williams team up for a new daytime talk show. 
  • Krystal takes over an aging, rundown animal shelter & tries to get every resident of Pine Valley to adopt a pet. 
  • JR, in his never ending quest to prove he is a good father, becomes AJ's Cub Scout Leader. Bear Cub, Wolf Cub & Webelos included!
  • Opal & Annie take over Wildwind & turn it into Grey Gardens.
###

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy Birthday Eden!

eden-478-print

From your two craziest admirers, a sincere wish for a very happy birthday and a new year full of joy!

Much love, Ellen & Portia

PS: Everybody should go check out the awesome video "Absolute Eden" made for the occasion.