Tragedy Is Imminent!

No, we are not talking about Zach's death. We are talking about how once again Bianca is NOT MENTIONED in the All My Children spoilers. How is this possible?!? RAGE CAPS ALONE CANNOT CONVEY OUR FIERY ANGER!

Great balls of cat fur, do David Kreizman and Donna Swajeski even know who Bianca is or what imminent means?! 


IMMINENT

: ready to take place; especially : hanging threateningly over one's head < in imminent danger of being attacked by killer bunnies in the Forest of Marginalized Gay Folk>
 

CLICK HERE to see what happens when writers ignore Bianca and deprive her of her smoking hot wife Reese.

  
We imagine Kreizman and Swajeski sitting in their ABC offices, thumbing through the AMC Bible, reading the additions, appendixes and notations made by Pratt.  Including, but not limited to the official AMC definition of:

LESBIAN:
adjective -- of or pertaining to babysitter of children; bringer of tea.
noun -- an inhabitant of the twilight zone surrounding Pine Valley where people who have been killed but their body never recovered are kept in limbo until needed or wanted. Lesbians sometimes wither away and are lost to oblivion, and/or achieve successful careers beyond daytime tv. Also see "The Martin Attic." Famous AMC lesbians: Josh Duhamel.

# # GrrrArrgghh # #

Unsolicited Feedback

We found a wonderful website called The Bureau of Communication and we wanted to alert all of you so that you can take advantage of this wonderful service!

We know, because we listened to the Tune In Tomorrow podcast on Blog Talk Radio, that the Powers That Be in Daytime Soaps don't pay any attention to what soap fans on the internet have to say. Apparently, they think we're all insane. What do they expect from people who watch their shows? The insanity is contagious.

Anyways . . . we just thought it was time to provide Unsolicited Feedback and the Airing of Grievances in a more formal manner.  So we're going to print high quality copies of our Official Forms and send them to ABC.

We encourage you to visit the The Bureau of Communication website and  use whichever forms suit your purposes (they have lots!) and send them to whomever you feel deserves it. 

 

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Portia's Top 10 Bianca & Reese Moments #3 & #2

Re-watching all these clips from last year has made me so sad. Angry and sad. There's so much potential for this couple! I could go on and on and rant for days about the injustice done to the show by Pratt's butchering of the characters and -- . No. No, I shall not descend into the morass of evilness that is Pratt's legacy. I shall instead be the Gal at the Crossroads Looking with Hope and High Vision to The Choosing of a New and Better Future. Let us all pray that the new AMC head writers convince TPTB that the show needs Bianca and Reese, because without them, Pine Valley has no heart or soul.


#3 The hug heard 'round the world.

We all knew Bianca and Reese were going to ride off into the sunset together. But who knew they would set a land speed record for quickest reconciliation in the history of soaps? Are these not the two people who got into trouble for --as Eden so aptly put it in our interview -- "not knowing a lick about each other before having a baby together" ? Wouldn't it have made more sense if -- Oops, almost did it again. Trying to insert logic into a world that had none. This moment was filmed post Pratt's hatchet job on Eden. I always kind of saw it as Eden coming back to rescue Tamara and save her from the Pirate-Shirted Menace. Either way -- whether you view it as Bianca and Reese's much deserved, albeit super-speedy, reconciliation, or Eden and Tamara's au revoir to AMC, the emotion was genuine and there was buckets full of it.


#2 I would rather dance.

I don't need to explain the appeal of this to anyone, do I? The dancing? The eye sex? More than the massage and "Get me out of these clothes" - it was this moment that made my panties fly off. And I haven't seen my Straight Card since.

To be continued....

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AMC Pratt Falls * A Little Pratt Music

Chuck Pratt's last day at All My Children. (With sincere apologies to Stephen Sondheim.)

You're A Mean One, Mr. Pratt

The fans of spoken! Thanks for voting. We hope you enjoy.

Help Us Decide * Vote Early & Often

Dear Pratt Falls Fans,

We find ourselves in a bit of a moral quandary. Caught up in the holiday spirit we created a little parody called: You're A Mean One, Mr. Pratt. You can probably guess what it entails. But we can't decide if we should post it or not.

Our dilemma is this -- the man's been fired. Do we need to keep piling it on? We are at odds on this point and have decided to let you, the fans, decide. Please vote and let us know what you think. And as always, thanks for watching (and reading) Pratt Falls!

Ellen and Portia

PS: VOTING OFFICIALLY CLOSES AT 9pm EST TONIGHT (Nov. 27, 2009)

Should we post "You're A Mean One, Mr. Pratt" ?
	Yes, why in the world would you hesitate?
	No, Pratt's been fired, enough is enough.
	In the name of Bianca's "No Penis Zone", hell yes, post it!
	Reese fans, and angry, bisexual lesbians everywhere beg you to post it.
	Catherine and Heather wouldn't hesitate to post it. What kind of wimps are you?
	Post it in honor of Our Beloved Long Lost Kendall.
	On behalf of Amanda's Much Maligned Womb, please, please, please post it!
	AMC is still airing Pratt's poop, post it!
pollcode.com free polls

AMC: Pratt Falls * Thanksgiving Special

An Open Letter to Charles Pratt Jr.

November 5, 2009

Charles Pratt, Jr.
All My Children
ABC Studios
320 West 66th St.
New York, NY 10023


Dear Mr Pratt,

Hello Chuck. We know, you're probably not a huge fan of our work. After all, we've spent the last few months questioning your drug use, competence and sanity. We're not here to apologize, though perhaps we were at times slightly harsh. But really Chuck, you've made mistakes along the way and it would have been irresponsible not to point out these mistakes, satirize them, upload them to YouTube, and wait for fanmail.

We digress. The reason we are writing you this timely letter is because we're worried, Chuck, we're very worried. Obviously you're unhappy with your job. Being the head-writer of a 40 year-old soap opera must be very stressful. You have made this quite evident with your need to verbally abuse beloved Emmy Award Winning actresses, and commit heinous acts of character assassination (both literally - poor Stuart - and figuratively).

We know Eden Riegel can be a little overwhelming. We know you find it creepy when she repeatedly changes your environmentally unfriendly bottled water into wine with a just a well-timed flick of her perfectly manicured finger. We know it's rather strange that she is able to walk across your swimming pool. But Chuck, to not invite her back for the 40th Anniversary Show? To blame her for the failings of your groundbreaking, two year, bisexual lesbian love-story? Buddy, you go too far.

Because we are extraordinarily good people (both in reality and in animated form), we would like to help you out. Chuckles, we know you are overwhelmed by our kindness, but we're concerned for the safety and well-being of All My Children, its hardworking cast, and the future of the soap opera genre. That is why we are prepared to make a life changing offer. An offer that will free you from the daytime world, and allow you to follow your dream of creating an all-Pratt, all-the time, Melrose Place: The Prequel to the Sequel.

Chuck Pratt, we, the creative geniuses behind the hit YouTube webseries "Pratt Falls," would like to buy All My Children. We offer you $100 big ones (or $106.58 Canadian), in exchange for all creative control over Agnes Nixon's daytime masterpiece. For a limited time we will also throw in a special edition, 2 disc, Little Mermaid DVD, and an autographed 8x10 wedding photo of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi. Accept within the next ten minutes, and we'll include a clip on reading lamp, and a Snuggie.

We are most sincerely yours,

Ellen & Portia
(the Animated Ones)

PS:
Remember, Remember the 5th of November,
The gunpowder, treason, and plot.
We see of no reason, why the gunpowder treason,
Should ever be forgot.

Except, we have no interest in spending our hard earned, non existent, cash on plastic Guy Fawkes masks or purchasing gunpowder off of eBay. We prefer verbal abuse over physical violence. The ABC studios are safe.


Cc: Robert A. Iger, President and Chief Executive Officer, The Walt Disney Company; Mr. M. Mouse, Rodent Extraordinaire
Bc: Brian Frons, President Daytime Disney-ABC Television Group; Julie Hanan Carruthers, Executive Producer - All My Children

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To Be Continued...

Ready for a Walk down Memory Lane?

Dear fans and friends of PRATT FALLS, we invite you to join us for the

2008/2009
"It Was My Fault"
Fiasco Derby

With the help of the numerous fans who re-capped, re-uploaded, and re-evaluated their lives during the brief bittersweet months of Bianca & Reese's story, we will boldly go where Breese Nation has obsessively gone before.

We hope you'll join us as we over-analyze, hyper-critique, ridicule, praise, bemoan, bitch and celebrate the wondrous and frustrating relationship that was Breese.

Our goal is to re-watch every YouTube clip of Bianca & Reese from Binks' first appearance on October 20, 2008 all the way through to the bitter end ... or until we just can't take it anymore, and we collapse in a fetal position weeping on the floor. Whichever comes first.

Count along as we document the number of times Bianca and/or Reese proclaim some variation of "It was my fault." Who knew when Pratt took over as Producer/Head Writer that his strategy for success would hinge on blaming his failures on others?

Storyline not working? Characters acting uncharacteristically? Plots full of holes? Don't fault the writers! Let Bianca & Reese take the blame. A solution which has a bonus -- it means neither Ryan nor Zach have to apologize for their asinine, douche-bag behavior, ever!

Yes, that tornado Pratt brought us last October was just a thinly veiled metaphor to let us loyal AMC fans know that the winds of change were coming. And, as is so often the case with tornadoes, the force of that wind has caused seemingly trivial things to become deadly projectiles.

Drop by tomorrow and join the fun! We'll save a seat on the couch for you.

Ellen & Portia