The fans of spoken! Thanks for voting. We hope you enjoy.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Help Us Decide * Vote Early & Often
Dear Pratt Falls Fans,
We find ourselves in a bit of a moral quandary. Caught up in the holiday spirit we created a little parody called: You're A Mean One, Mr. Pratt. You can probably guess what it entails. But we can't decide if we should post it or not.
Our dilemma is this -- the man's been fired. Do we need to keep piling it on? We are at odds on this point and have decided to let you, the fans, decide. Please vote and let us know what you think. And as always, thanks for watching (and reading) Pratt Falls!
Ellen and Portia
PS: VOTING OFFICIALLY CLOSES AT 9pm EST TONIGHT (Nov. 27, 2009)
We find ourselves in a bit of a moral quandary. Caught up in the holiday spirit we created a little parody called: You're A Mean One, Mr. Pratt. You can probably guess what it entails. But we can't decide if we should post it or not.
Our dilemma is this -- the man's been fired. Do we need to keep piling it on? We are at odds on this point and have decided to let you, the fans, decide. Please vote and let us know what you think. And as always, thanks for watching (and reading) Pratt Falls!
Ellen and Portia
PS: VOTING OFFICIALLY CLOSES AT 9pm EST TONIGHT (Nov. 27, 2009)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Our 2nd Open Letter to Chuck Pratt
November 20, 2009
Charles Pratt, Jr.
All My Children
ABC Studios
320 West 66th St.
New York, NY 10023
Mr Pratt,
Hello again. Well, it's has been two weeks and we've had no word from you, or anyone at ABC Daytime, about our original offer to purchase creative control of All My Children. We're so sorry if you thought that we would slither away in shame if you ignored us. Have you not yet learned that ignoring the fans does not always result in their weary acquiescence? Or perhaps your silence is indication that you still deny our very existence? Obviously you are still immune to our cries of anguish as you destroy, decimate and demean our beloved characters with abominable behavior and ridiculous, inconsequential story lines. We could feign surprise at these developments, but we all know that this is standard operating procedure for you.
To be honest, we anticipated your inability to take our offer seriously. You've proven over and over again that you're not one to face your critics or admit mistakes. We did however harbour some hope that you might jump at the chance to leap off your own sinking ship when given the opportunity. That is why we are still willing to negotiate with you, Chuck. Unlike you, we are not unreasonable people. Our animated nature makes us resilient, resourceful and buoyant. We remain ready to throw you a life preserver -- if only you'll abandon ship.
Need we remind you, Chuckie, that we took an oath? A sacred oath to protect and defend two very special people, who, because of you, may never be seen in Pine Valley again. We find this wholly and completely unacceptable.
We readily admit that our anxiety level is peaking as we anticipate the 40th Anniversary of AMC. Everyone knows you cannot be trusted with -- . Let's be frank, Chuck. Everyone knows you cannot be trusted. Period. Full stop. Why elaborate? Your record speaks for itself. We need not enumerate your offenses. Read any soap opera forum, visit any board, your treachery is well documented and decried daily.
What we don't understand is why you persist? With the exception of Greenlee/Rebecca Budig, you clearly have no love or respect for the characters of Pine Valley, nor the actors on All My Children. It seems to us that you yearn for a canvas where you can paint your women as either conniving, duplicitous bitches or spineless, wimps easily manipulated by men half as intelligent as they are. More specifically, men who are mumbling, whining, raging dim witted bullies wielding guns, or drugs. Or both. We want to change all that Chuck. But change must begin with you. Or more to the point, with your absence.
And so we remain faithful to our original offer of $100 to purchase, as-is, a once magnificent soap opera, whose existence now is a mere mockery of it's former glory. Think about it. The show has become like a silly toy you've grown tired of playing with, and we're here to offer you real American cash money to take it off your hands.
We are most sincerely yours,
Ellen & Portia
(the Animated Ones)
PS: This offer will expire November 30, 2009. Mostly because Ellen really wants to buy the new Xbox LEGO Rock Band and it costs $49.99.
Charles Pratt, Jr.
All My Children
ABC Studios
320 West 66th St.
New York, NY 10023
Mr Pratt,
Hello again. Well, it's has been two weeks and we've had no word from you, or anyone at ABC Daytime, about our original offer to purchase creative control of All My Children. We're so sorry if you thought that we would slither away in shame if you ignored us. Have you not yet learned that ignoring the fans does not always result in their weary acquiescence? Or perhaps your silence is indication that you still deny our very existence? Obviously you are still immune to our cries of anguish as you destroy, decimate and demean our beloved characters with abominable behavior and ridiculous, inconsequential story lines. We could feign surprise at these developments, but we all know that this is standard operating procedure for you.
To be honest, we anticipated your inability to take our offer seriously. You've proven over and over again that you're not one to face your critics or admit mistakes. We did however harbour some hope that you might jump at the chance to leap off your own sinking ship when given the opportunity. That is why we are still willing to negotiate with you, Chuck. Unlike you, we are not unreasonable people. Our animated nature makes us resilient, resourceful and buoyant. We remain ready to throw you a life preserver -- if only you'll abandon ship.
Need we remind you, Chuckie, that we took an oath? A sacred oath to protect and defend two very special people, who, because of you, may never be seen in Pine Valley again. We find this wholly and completely unacceptable.
We readily admit that our anxiety level is peaking as we anticipate the 40th Anniversary of AMC. Everyone knows you cannot be trusted with -- . Let's be frank, Chuck. Everyone knows you cannot be trusted. Period. Full stop. Why elaborate? Your record speaks for itself. We need not enumerate your offenses. Read any soap opera forum, visit any board, your treachery is well documented and decried daily.
What we don't understand is why you persist? With the exception of Greenlee/Rebecca Budig, you clearly have no love or respect for the characters of Pine Valley, nor the actors on All My Children. It seems to us that you yearn for a canvas where you can paint your women as either conniving, duplicitous bitches or spineless, wimps easily manipulated by men half as intelligent as they are. More specifically, men who are mumbling, whining, raging dim witted bullies wielding guns, or drugs. Or both. We want to change all that Chuck. But change must begin with you. Or more to the point, with your absence.
And so we remain faithful to our original offer of $100 to purchase, as-is, a once magnificent soap opera, whose existence now is a mere mockery of it's former glory. Think about it. The show has become like a silly toy you've grown tired of playing with, and we're here to offer you real American cash money to take it off your hands.
We are most sincerely yours,
Ellen & Portia
(the Animated Ones)
PS: This offer will expire November 30, 2009. Mostly because Ellen really wants to buy the new Xbox LEGO Rock Band and it costs $49.99.
###
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Bitches Answer!
To borrow and maim a phrase from our favorite veridian reptile, it's
not easy being animated. Honestly, we're two lonely gals, named after two really famous lesbians, created by two straight chicks with nothing better to do. It's very rare that a TV series or movie comes along that can really touch the soul, speak to the innermost part(s) of the human psyche, and makes everyone within a 30 mile radius inappropriately horny. Enter Catherine and Heather.Okay, they're imaginary and we're animated, but technically, our animated status makes us imaginary too! Plus, they're raging bitches and we're raging animated alcoholics! It's a match made in hell!
When we sent Catherine and Heather our interview questions, we feared that they might very well ignore us. That is why we kidnapped Robert Pattinson, covered him in whip cream and strategically placed cherries, and delivered him blindfolded and handcuffed to the very imaginary bed of the Imaginary Bitches. Try ignoring that!
Now, after a few days of waiting, and a letter from Mr. Pattinson's lawyers and a noted psychiatrist, we are proud to present Imaginary Bitches: The Interview.
Warning: The following interview contains nudity, violence, and Battlestar Galactica references. Viewer discretion is advised.
You girls are imaginary, and we're animated. You seem to hate Eden and we adore her. Do you ever fear that if the four of us were in a room together, that the simultaneous wave-like and particle-like behavior of both our matter and radiation would cause us to cancel each other out, thus making us all disappear into a black hole?CATHERINE - If I had a nickel for everytime someone disappeared into Heather's black hole...
HEATHER - I'm not really into astrology. I only watch BSG for the outfits.
What do you think it is about Eden that makes her susceptible to being followed around by both imaginary and animated characters?
CATHERINE - I wish I knew. Because maybe then I could reverse it and finally get a chance to hang out with someone else. Someone who's idea of fun isn't training for a marathon. Sober.
Is Riley really real?
HEATHER - His farts sure are.
We hear there might be an Imaginary Bitches movie and that Anne Hathaway is being talked about for the role of Eden. Who will be cast in your parts?
CATHERINE - There aren't many imaginary actresses with more name value than us. In North America, at least. There are a couple imaginary European actresses that are getting a lot of attention, but no one wants to listen to Eden repeat things in their stupid accents. She doesn't need any more reasons to be bad.
HEATHER - And we'd sue the crap out of Andrew if he replaced us. The American Imaginary Civil Liberties Union is dying to get their hands on a high profile law suit.
What if Cameron Diaz and Salma Hayek say no?
HEATHER - Have you seen "The Box"? Cameron Diaz doesn't say no to ANY movie.
CATHERINE - Have you see Salma's hips? She doesn't say no to ANY food.
Do you have any plans to show up on Venice Beach and wreak havoc in Crystal Chappell's life?
HEATHER - I am so proud of Crystal. She's my hero. She has achieved so much and given her history, I think she's an inspiration. Very few people ever break out of porn--
CATHERINE (interrupting) - Wait, are you thinking of Crystal Chappelle? With an "e"? The girl you stripped with at the Body Shop?
HEATHER - Yeah, she's my hero. I didn't realize she got a new place in Venice.
CATHERINE - She still lives in the Valley. And she's still in porn. They're talking about a girl who held hands with another girl on a soap opera and gives a lot of interviews...
HEATHER- Ohhhh. Can Crystal with no "e" open a bottle of Champagne with her inner thighs?
CATHERINE - Probably.
HEATHER - Then she's my hero, too.
CATHERINE - Yeah, we haven't been asked to appear on Venice Beach.
Do you know how to get in touch with the ever elusive, internet free, Tamara Braun? If so, will you tell her we had to turn in our Straight Cards because of her?
CATHERINE - It's hard for her. Skinny people are afraid of technology. It's all too heavy for their tiny little arms to lift.
HEATHER - So true. I know when I've eating like a pig if I don't strain when I hold my iPhone. I picked up Eden's laptop the other day with ease and immediately started a Master Cleanse.
Who is your favorite Disney Villain?
CATHERINE - Brian Frons.
If you met Chuck Pratt in a dark alley, what might you want to say, or do, to him?
HEATHER - Question... In the alley, is he sobbing quietly to himself, or having a "play date" with a special friend named Lola?
CATHERINE - I actually have a lot of respect for Chuck.
HEATHER - Question... Is he with Rebecca? In the alley?
CATHERINE - Any brain dead moron can take advantage of a talented cast by writing stories and dialogue that play to their strengths. Big deal.
HEATHER - Is he going to make me tell him how much more awesome the new Melrose Place would be if he was writing it?
CATHERINE - And it doesn't take writing ability to utilize 40 years of a show's backstory to help craft the future.
HEATHER - Is he going to ask me to touch his Hammer of Thor?
CATHERINE - Chuck isn't lazy. He's worked his ass off to ruin All My Children. It's like they always say, "Creating something great is easy. Destroying something great is hard." The environment? The economy? It's taken decades to wreck that stuff. Chuck's done it in just a couple years. You gotta respect that.
###
Friday, November 6, 2009
Interview Questions for the Imaginary Bitches!
While we wait for Chuck Pratt to respond to our offer to purchase creative control of All My Children, we decided to pursue another idea we've been harboring. We figured that since we had such good luck scoring an interview with Eden we should try getting lucky with the legendary Catherine and Heather of Imaginary Bitches fame. So here goes, we'll let you know if they respond as quickly (and wittily) as Eden did...
1. You girls are imaginary, and we're animated. You seem to hate Eden and we adore her. Do you ever fear that if the four of us were in a room together, that the simultaneous wave-like and particle-like behavior of both our matter and radiation would cause us to cancel each other out, thus making us all disappear into a black hole?
2. What do you think it is about Eden that makes her susceptible to being followed around by both imaginary and animated characters?
3. Is Riley really real?
4. We hear there might be an Imaginary Bitches movie and that Anne Hathaway is being talked about for the role of Eden. Who will be cast in your parts?
5. What if Cameron Diaz and Salma Hayek say no?
6. Do you have any plans to show up on Venice Beach and wreak havoc in Crystal Chappell's life?
7. Do you know how to get in touch with the ever elusive, internet free, Tamara Braun? If so, will you tell her we had to turn in our Straight Cards because of her?
8. Who is your favorite Disney Villain?
9. If you met Chuck Pratt in a dark alley, what might you want to say, or do, to him?
1. You girls are imaginary, and we're animated. You seem to hate Eden and we adore her. Do you ever fear that if the four of us were in a room together, that the simultaneous wave-like and particle-like behavior of both our matter and radiation would cause us to cancel each other out, thus making us all disappear into a black hole?
2. What do you think it is about Eden that makes her susceptible to being followed around by both imaginary and animated characters?
3. Is Riley really real?
4. We hear there might be an Imaginary Bitches movie and that Anne Hathaway is being talked about for the role of Eden. Who will be cast in your parts?
5. What if Cameron Diaz and Salma Hayek say no?
6. Do you have any plans to show up on Venice Beach and wreak havoc in Crystal Chappell's life?
7. Do you know how to get in touch with the ever elusive, internet free, Tamara Braun? If so, will you tell her we had to turn in our Straight Cards because of her?
8. Who is your favorite Disney Villain?
9. If you met Chuck Pratt in a dark alley, what might you want to say, or do, to him?
###
Thursday, November 5, 2009
An Open Letter to Charles Pratt Jr.
November 5, 2009
Charles Pratt, Jr.
All My Children
ABC Studios
320 West 66th St.
New York, NY 10023
Dear Mr Pratt,
Hello Chuck. We know, you're probably not a huge fan of our work. After all, we've spent the last few months questioning your drug use, competence and sanity. We're not here to apologize, though perhaps we were at times slightly harsh. But really Chuck, you've made mistakes along the way and it would have been irresponsible not to point out these mistakes, satirize them, upload them to YouTube, and wait for fanmail.
We digress. The reason we are writing you this timely letter is because we're worried, Chuck, we're very worried. Obviously you're unhappy with your job. Being the head-writer of a 40 year-old soap opera must be very stressful. You have made this quite evident with your need to verbally abuse beloved Emmy Award Winning actresses, and commit heinous acts of character assassination (both literally - poor Stuart - and figuratively).
We know Eden Riegel can be a little overwhelming. We know you find it creepy when she repeatedly changes your environmentally unfriendly bottled water into wine with a just a well-timed flick of her perfectly manicured finger. We know it's rather strange that she is able to walk across your swimming pool. But Chuck, to not invite her back for the 40th Anniversary Show? To blame her for the failings of your groundbreaking, two year, bisexual lesbian love-story? Buddy, you go too far.
Because we are extraordinarily good people (both in reality and in animated form), we would like to help you out. Chuckles, we know you are overwhelmed by our kindness, but we're concerned for the safety and well-being of All My Children, its hardworking cast, and the future of the soap opera genre. That is why we are prepared to make a life changing offer. An offer that will free you from the daytime world, and allow you to follow your dream of creating an all-Pratt, all-the time, Melrose Place: The Prequel to the Sequel.
Chuck Pratt, we, the creative geniuses behind the hit YouTube webseries "Pratt Falls," would like to buy All My Children. We offer you $100 big ones (or $106.58 Canadian), in exchange for all creative control over Agnes Nixon's daytime masterpiece. For a limited time we will also throw in a special edition, 2 disc, Little Mermaid DVD, and an autographed 8x10 wedding photo of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi. Accept within the next ten minutes, and we'll include a clip on reading lamp, and a Snuggie.
We are most sincerely yours,
Ellen & Portia
(the Animated Ones)
PS:
Remember, Remember the 5th of November,
The gunpowder, treason, and plot.
We see of no reason, why the gunpowder treason,
Should ever be forgot.
Except, we have no interest in spending our hard earned, non existent, cash on plastic Guy Fawkes masks or purchasing gunpowder off of eBay. We prefer verbal abuse over physical violence. The ABC studios are safe.
Cc: Robert A. Iger, President and Chief Executive Officer, The Walt Disney Company; Mr. M. Mouse, Rodent Extraordinaire
Bc: Brian Frons, President Daytime Disney-ABC Television Group; Julie Hanan Carruthers, Executive Producer - All My Children
To Be Continued...
Charles Pratt, Jr.
All My Children
ABC Studios
320 West 66th St.
New York, NY 10023
Dear Mr Pratt,
Hello Chuck. We know, you're probably not a huge fan of our work. After all, we've spent the last few months questioning your drug use, competence and sanity. We're not here to apologize, though perhaps we were at times slightly harsh. But really Chuck, you've made mistakes along the way and it would have been irresponsible not to point out these mistakes, satirize them, upload them to YouTube, and wait for fanmail.
We digress. The reason we are writing you this timely letter is because we're worried, Chuck, we're very worried. Obviously you're unhappy with your job. Being the head-writer of a 40 year-old soap opera must be very stressful. You have made this quite evident with your need to verbally abuse beloved Emmy Award Winning actresses, and commit heinous acts of character assassination (both literally - poor Stuart - and figuratively).
We know Eden Riegel can be a little overwhelming. We know you find it creepy when she repeatedly changes your environmentally unfriendly bottled water into wine with a just a well-timed flick of her perfectly manicured finger. We know it's rather strange that she is able to walk across your swimming pool. But Chuck, to not invite her back for the 40th Anniversary Show? To blame her for the failings of your groundbreaking, two year, bisexual lesbian love-story? Buddy, you go too far.
Because we are extraordinarily good people (both in reality and in animated form), we would like to help you out. Chuckles, we know you are overwhelmed by our kindness, but we're concerned for the safety and well-being of All My Children, its hardworking cast, and the future of the soap opera genre. That is why we are prepared to make a life changing offer. An offer that will free you from the daytime world, and allow you to follow your dream of creating an all-Pratt, all-the time, Melrose Place: The Prequel to the Sequel.
Chuck Pratt, we, the creative geniuses behind the hit YouTube webseries "Pratt Falls," would like to buy All My Children. We offer you $100 big ones (or $106.58 Canadian), in exchange for all creative control over Agnes Nixon's daytime masterpiece. For a limited time we will also throw in a special edition, 2 disc, Little Mermaid DVD, and an autographed 8x10 wedding photo of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi. Accept within the next ten minutes, and we'll include a clip on reading lamp, and a Snuggie.
We are most sincerely yours,
Ellen & Portia
(the Animated Ones)
PS:
Remember, Remember the 5th of November,
The gunpowder, treason, and plot.
We see of no reason, why the gunpowder treason,
Should ever be forgot.
Except, we have no interest in spending our hard earned, non existent, cash on plastic Guy Fawkes masks or purchasing gunpowder off of eBay. We prefer verbal abuse over physical violence. The ABC studios are safe.
Cc: Robert A. Iger, President and Chief Executive Officer, The Walt Disney Company; Mr. M. Mouse, Rodent Extraordinaire
Bc: Brian Frons, President Daytime Disney-ABC Television Group; Julie Hanan Carruthers, Executive Producer - All My Children
###
To Be Continued...
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Eden Answers!
Well friends, we honestly didn't think it was likely to happen, but Eden has answered our call!! We can't quite believe it, but it's true. We couldn't make this up!
And we have to wonder, does Eden realize what she has done? We already adore her, and now this? It just makes us love her more. And we really didn't think that was possible.
So without further ado, we bring you the
PRATT FALLS * EXCLUSIVE * EDEN RIEGEL INTERVIEW:
Eden, is filming a scene where a guy, who's supposed to be your brother-in-law, is all up in your junk delivering your baby in the wreckage of a tornado, as awkward as shooting a steamy sex scene with a guy you hardly know or barely like? Wait, have you ever filmed a steamy sex scene with a guy, – ever? Do you think the one steamy sex scene you got with Reese actually counts as steamy considering she was wearing a turtle neck?
The “Steamiest” scene I’ve ever had was with Olga Sosnovska (ex-Lena, who
I actually had a dream about last night. Random!) in the steam room after a couples’ yoga class. It included a suggestive shoulder massage, porno music, and literal steam surrounding us, provided by some very happy stagehands on the perimeter of the set. But that scene included no actual lip-locking, if I remember correctly.
I definitely
consider the scene with Reese on the bed, even taking into account the turtleneck, the sexiest scene I’ve ever been a part of. C’mon, when she whispers “Get me out of the clothes?!” I think women all over America felt their panties just fly off. Hot. I’ve never had anything in that same ballpark with a male actor in anything I’ve done. My husband would like to keep it that way.
And, yes, you nailed the baby-delivery scene in the wreckage with Bro-in-law Zack as the most awkward and uncomfortable scene I have ever had the displeasure to be involved in. Nothing steamy about your good pal Thorsten getting all up inside your “junk” when you’re sweaty and dirty, and no one has washed your pregnancy-pad/body-suit in days. TMI? It was just nasty. Believe me, between that and getting busy with the lovely Tamara Braun there is no comparison.
Now that you've given birth to two fictional children, what would you say is the toughest part about fictional motherhood?
The stretch marks.
Canadians do it better. Yay or nay?
Yay, yay, yay! Even if they didn’t do it better, they sure do it nicer.
If B
ianca and Reese had had a Jewish wedding, could they have avoided all the subsequent heartache? After all, if Reese had downed a bottle of Manischewitz the night before, as apposed to a bottle of Scotch, the only thing she would have made out with is a bagel with schmeer.
If only Reese were a Jew! It would have saved us so much heartache. But she drank WAY too much to not be a goy. It was the root of a lot of Breese’s problems, I think. That and not knowing a lick about each other before having a baby together. Tamara would totally have made out with a bagel and a schmeer over Zach. The girl loves her carbs.
We understand that the Emmy Award, which each of you are now the proud recipients of, stands 15.5 inches (39 cm) tall with a base diameter of 7.5 inches (19 c
m) and weights 88 oz (5.5 pounds or 2.5 kg). Do you ever wonder what potential injuries might be inflicted if someone hurled an Emmy statue in the general direction of a pirate-shirted producer/head writer? We only ask because we wonder about it obsessively.
The year I won the kid who won for Younger actor impaled himself with the statuette on stage and it looked VERY painful. Watch the YouTube of it. I think it will make your imagination run wild!
(( Link to YouTube video ))
In your final appearance on AMC when you reconcile, was this simply a heartfelt reunion hug between Bianca and Reese, or was it in fact Tamara crying tears of joy and relief because Eden promised she'd finally take her away from the bad man?
Totally heartfelt reunion. We’re really that good.
Do you ever brag to your other actor friends about how your combined hotness has caused massive numbers of heterosexual women to turn in their "straight cards"?
I will now!
Follow up -- Has AfterEllen.com ever contacted you in regards to naming an award in your honor?
Nope. That would be freaking awesome, though. The Riegees? Or the Binkys?
As profoundly frakked up as the Bianca and Reese storyline became, did you remain thankful that the physical relationship between the characters was never limited to baking cookies and holding hands in church?
Yes. I think th
e show was very brave and that it was a sign we’ve made amazing strides. It was really cool to experience first-hand the evolution from practically having to get approval for a peck on the cheek to being able to be totally free physically with one another, just like any hetero couple on the show. I was so happy to be able to tell our love story without physical boundaries.
and our final question:
We know that you both have legions of devoted, loving, faithful fans - have any of them ever done anything that compares to the utter absurdity of PRATT FALLS?
Not even close! I’m telling you I was close to tears when I saw Episode 1. I have never felt so supported in my life. I turned to Andrew and said, “Who are these crazy geniuses?!”
And we have to wonder, does Eden realize what she has done? We already adore her, and now this? It just makes us love her more. And we really didn't think that was possible.So without further ado, we bring you the
PRATT FALLS * EXCLUSIVE * EDEN RIEGEL INTERVIEW:
Eden, is filming a scene where a guy, who's supposed to be your brother-in-law, is all up in your junk delivering your baby in the wreckage of a tornado, as awkward as shooting a steamy sex scene with a guy you hardly know or barely like? Wait, have you ever filmed a steamy sex scene with a guy, – ever? Do you think the one steamy sex scene you got with Reese actually counts as steamy considering she was wearing a turtle neck?
The “Steamiest” scene I’ve ever had was with Olga Sosnovska (ex-Lena, who
I actually had a dream about last night. Random!) in the steam room after a couples’ yoga class. It included a suggestive shoulder massage, porno music, and literal steam surrounding us, provided by some very happy stagehands on the perimeter of the set. But that scene included no actual lip-locking, if I remember correctly.I definitely
consider the scene with Reese on the bed, even taking into account the turtleneck, the sexiest scene I’ve ever been a part of. C’mon, when she whispers “Get me out of the clothes?!” I think women all over America felt their panties just fly off. Hot. I’ve never had anything in that same ballpark with a male actor in anything I’ve done. My husband would like to keep it that way.
And, yes, you nailed the baby-delivery scene in the wreckage with Bro-in-law Zack as the most awkward and uncomfortable scene I have ever had the displeasure to be involved in. Nothing steamy about your good pal Thorsten getting all up inside your “junk” when you’re sweaty and dirty, and no one has washed your pregnancy-pad/body-suit in days. TMI? It was just nasty. Believe me, between that and getting busy with the lovely Tamara Braun there is no comparison.
Now that you've given birth to two fictional children, what would you say is the toughest part about fictional motherhood?
The stretch marks.
Canadians do it better. Yay or nay?
Yay, yay, yay! Even if they didn’t do it better, they sure do it nicer.
If B
ianca and Reese had had a Jewish wedding, could they have avoided all the subsequent heartache? After all, if Reese had downed a bottle of Manischewitz the night before, as apposed to a bottle of Scotch, the only thing she would have made out with is a bagel with schmeer. If only Reese were a Jew! It would have saved us so much heartache. But she drank WAY too much to not be a goy. It was the root of a lot of Breese’s problems, I think. That and not knowing a lick about each other before having a baby together. Tamara would totally have made out with a bagel and a schmeer over Zach. The girl loves her carbs.
We understand that the Emmy Award, which each of you are now the proud recipients of, stands 15.5 inches (39 cm) tall with a base diameter of 7.5 inches (19 c
m) and weights 88 oz (5.5 pounds or 2.5 kg). Do you ever wonder what potential injuries might be inflicted if someone hurled an Emmy statue in the general direction of a pirate-shirted producer/head writer? We only ask because we wonder about it obsessively.The year I won the kid who won for Younger actor impaled himself with the statuette on stage and it looked VERY painful. Watch the YouTube of it. I think it will make your imagination run wild!
(( Link to YouTube video ))
In your final appearance on AMC when you reconcile, was this simply a heartfelt reunion hug between Bianca and Reese, or was it in fact Tamara crying tears of joy and relief because Eden promised she'd finally take her away from the bad man?
Totally heartfelt reunion. We’re really that good.
Do you ever brag to your other actor friends about how your combined hotness has caused massive numbers of heterosexual women to turn in their "straight cards"?
I will now!
Follow up -- Has AfterEllen.com ever contacted you in regards to naming an award in your honor?
Nope. That would be freaking awesome, though. The Riegees? Or the Binkys?
As profoundly frakked up as the Bianca and Reese storyline became, did you remain thankful that the physical relationship between the characters was never limited to baking cookies and holding hands in church?
Yes. I think th
e show was very brave and that it was a sign we’ve made amazing strides. It was really cool to experience first-hand the evolution from practically having to get approval for a peck on the cheek to being able to be totally free physically with one another, just like any hetero couple on the show. I was so happy to be able to tell our love story without physical boundaries.and our final question:
We know that you both have legions of devoted, loving, faithful fans - have any of them ever done anything that compares to the utter absurdity of PRATT FALLS?
Not even close! I’m telling you I was close to tears when I saw Episode 1. I have never felt so supported in my life. I turned to Andrew and said, “Who are these crazy geniuses?!”
###
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