We know we're a few days behind schedule. Please accept our apologies. Sometimes real life intrudes on our virtual lives in the most inconvenient ways. Without further ado...
Whose Your Daddy?
Remember the October 21st episode where Bianca mentions Miranda's tumultuous birth? Apparently she forgets all about it, because as soon as a helicopter appears, she serenely looks up and says, "Oh my God. A helicopter." The last time Bianca was on a helicopter with her newborn, it crashed, and her baby was stolen. But, no big deal. Therapy heals all. Helicopters are fun! We love helicopters! Pratt Fail. Continuity fail. History fail. FAIL.
Is it just us, or does Bianca pathologically repeat her absolute belief that everything and everybody will be okay because "it has to be." It seems Pratt believes repetition = continuity. Listen, there are no more ardent supporters of Bianca Montgomery than the two of us, but even we don't believe Binks can conjure a miracle big enough to rescue this storyline. And why do we need multiple reminders that "Kendall hates secrets"? Y'know what else she might hate? Her husband's sperm taking up residence in her lesbian sister.
That being said -- Who else loved the Kinks flashback? Raise your hands! The sisters Kane provide some of the best AMC moments of the last decade. Kendall has risked everything for Bianca over the years: fake pregnancy, murder charges, close encounters with the Zarf kind. So it seems only fair that Bianca would keep her new "risky" pregnancy secret, right? Or not. Of course, Kendall ruins the sisterly reunion with her overly enthusiastic question about the baby's father.
What is wrong with the writers on this show? It's one thing to ask about a donor, but the FATHER? There is no father. Bianca's entire personage is a NO-PENIS-ZONE and Kendall knows this. Does anybody refer to Michael Cambias as Miranda's "father"? Are we the only ones having Daddy Issues with this story?
Someday Gabby is going to experience a terrible Star Wars moment.
Zach: Gabrielle, I am your father.
Gabby: No, that's impossible!
Binks: We were drunk!!!
Reese: It was MY fault.
Clearly, we have a few points of contention regarding this episode. So, let us warn you now -- to keep our heads from exploding, we've re-imagined the story of Gabby's birth. We felt these slight changes were necessary in order to justify Bianca's calm reaction to the approaching helicopter. (Hint: Bianca thinks that helicopter is us coming to rescue her.) Unfortunately we can't think of any way to justify Zach being the Baby Daddy or Bianca keeping it a secret from Kendall. Some Pratt Fails are just too enormous to fix.