Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Ryan Lavery's Magic Penis

As all of you have heard, Rebecca Budig, aka the “real Greenlee” is returning to Pine Valley. Some of you are thrilled to have the crème fresh covered daughter of Jackson (who?) return. Others are indifferent. We have one question: Rebecca, WHY?

When last we saw Ms. Smythe, she was on a motorcycle, wearing a wedding dress, and flying towards a Connecticut church in the middle of the night/evening/soap equivalent of “it’s dark outside now.” There may have been a lesbian wedding taking place simultaneously, we’re not sure. But we do know that Greenlee had a very important message to deliver before her unfortunate, Kendall-induced, drop off a cliff. This message: OMG! Zach and Reese totally did the nasty, IN CHURCH! Thank you, Ryan Lavery, for the incredible observation.

This entire situation could have been avoided with the following:
Ryan: Greenlee, Zach and Reese were taking part in intimate relations…IN CHURCH!.
Greenlee: For serious?
Ryan: Yah. I totally saw it.
Greenlee: Were they naked?
Ryan: No.
Greenlee: Were they sober?
Ryan: Reese was shit-faced, that is for sure.
Greenlee: So…you basically made the whole sex thing up.
Ryan: Crème fresh, anyone?

Greenlee will return from her accident, looking fresh as a daisy, only to find Ryan involved with Erica Kane. We love Erica Kane. We love Susan Lucci. We really do not love Erica Kane in a relationship with her grandson’s father. Say that three times to yourself and then grab a bucket. Really, ladies of Pine Valley, what’s the appeal? Why do you insist on jumping the Lavery train every time it’s in town (choo choo).

After much deliberation, midnight chats and booze induced stupors, we have come to this conclusion: Ryan Lavery has a magical penis. His penis is equivalent to Splash Mountain at Disneyland (grab that bucket again). The ladies line up. They all want a ride. What AMC needs is men WHO ARE NOT RYAN LAVERY, and lesbians who ARE BIANCA AND REESE.

In the end, the Greenlee return is all about money. Of course! A mark, a yen, a buck, or a pound! Think about the state of television these days? Jon Gosselin just took $230, 000 from poor, impoverished Kate. Hell, we all know that Kate has millions stashed in her hair, while Jon’s fortune is safe and sound in the butt-crack of a Las Vegas stripper. But, we digress. Greenlee is back. Budig has a job, and we love us some Rebecca Budig. Pratt is still a hack.

E & P


  1. Maybe Greenlee will return and she and Erica will both dump Ryan? And then Ryan will be so sad he'll drive HIMSELF off a cliff. Or, you know, it could just be empty dreams on my part.

    Great blog, I'm really looking forward to more of your thoughts on the travesty that is AMC!

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  3. Welcome to the blogosphere ladies. We're all fans at the and love your work. Thank goodness for you two. Somtimes I wonder if TPTB ever see any of the commentary out there, but surely PrattFalls on YouTube has graced the computers at ABC Daytime.

    Greenlee's no surprise, but don't you wonder how long we'll have to watch her lay around some locked house under Nurse Gayle's "care" and then slink around in the shadows of the PV Hospital, Chandler tunnels, and Pine Valley park foilage before anyone realizes she's alive?

    Just when you think it can't get any worse, Pratt writes another script.


  4. Absolutely loved your blog but I'll probably have night terrors now about Ryass & his penis. PASS THE BUCKET

  5. Any idea when we will see a new season of PrattFalls?

  6. Erica and Ryan's relationship is just sick. I wish they would have never gone that far. I guess they do not have age-appropriate men on the show for Erica anymore. It sickens me everytime I see a love scene from these two. Yikes.