Friday, October 9, 2009

Bianca's Borrowed TV & Movie Plots We'd Like to See on AMC:

1. Bianca & Kendall accidentally murder Zach, are recruited by by a secret academy for their Discipline, Energy, Beauty, and Strength and lead a life of covert crime fighting while wearing Catholic High School Uniforms with knee socks, as written and directed by Angela Robinson.

2. Bianca & Kendall accidentally murder Zach, and escape on jet ski's into open water where they are rescued by Reese, taken to the Cayman Islands to work for the Charles Townsend Agency, given stun guns and new identities as Jill, Sabrina & Kelly. Uncle Jack instructs them that henceforth he is to be called only "Bosley."

3. Bianca & Kendall accidentally murder Zach, escape to Europe where Bianca is reunited with Reese and Kendall falls madly in love with Michael Vartan Vaughn. They each take on many different aliases, searching for cryptic algorithms, protein engineering schematics and mascara that doesn't run when you cry, the secrets of which are all to be found in the documents of Renaissance genius, Milo Cambius Giacomo Rambaldi.

4. Bianca and Kendall accidentally murder Zach, but before they are caught, the earth is destroyed by a humanoid race of robots. Escaping to the unknown corners of space with only a handful of Pine Valley refugees, Bianca and Kendall begin wearing two tank tops at once and fight for the survival of humans everywhere. Kendall falls in love with a mental manifestation of the murdered Zach, while Bianca spends most of her time with Reese, the hot shot pilot who seemingly dies in a confusing, Jimi Hendrix-esque, ball of fire. Distraught, Bianca can only take comfort in her half human, half Cambias daughter (who is the future of the human race). A bunch of stuff happens. Things blow up. Fire! Aliens! Frakking! Mary McDonnell! Suddenly, Reese returns only to disappear a short time later because it turns out that all along Reese was a...hell if we know. Bianca and Kendall accidentally murder the mental manifestation of Zach as the Battlestar GaErica blows up. Finally, Bianca and Kendall land in LA with little Mimo, where they breed with the locals and return thousands of years later as...hell if we know. But Reese is still wearing the double tank tops, that much we know.

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